For a long time I’ve judged myself for how hard I find it to clothe myself. Usually I resort to jeans and a t-shirt and then gaze longingly at women who look so put together. Only recently have I learned what you did — accessories make the outfit.
Also, I have yet to stop giving a shit about what other people think about my clothing choices. For every speaking engagement or conference or party or event where I’d be with people who didn’t already love me, I would panic about what to wear. I still do!
The way I solved this problem is super privileged — I got a stylist who dresses and advises me. She puts together outfits, takes a picture and labels them. “Board meeting. Date night. Daytime casual.” When I go on a trip she helps me shop my own closet to put together outfits, or shops for real to plug holes.
When I need help in a pinch, I ask my daughter who is a fashionista with amazing taste.
I don’t know if I’ll ever like shopping. I also don’t know if I even know what is ME in clothes. I mean I tend toward neutrals … and yet my personality is anything but. Maybe my clothes are the background so I can shine without clashing with them? Or maybe I’ve yet to own the clothes that would dance with my spirit in a swirl of yumminess.
It’s wild how hard it is. I had a stylist for a book tour and oh my god I loved it! I don’t like shopping for very long - spurts only - and not in stores. And I also wonder if the question of what is me in clothes is one I ditched because me is probably not out there in an outfit so I pick what’s the most me from what’s available if that makes any sense!!
What a fabulous post. I’m not alone!! Finding my way in my late 50’s and developing my own personal style has been a slow journey. I’m embracing vintage clothing and quality items found at thrift stores. I still don’t have the right “go to” outfits but I’m getting there. Thank Jen for reassuring me that it’s possible! You look FAB!
You are BeYou-tiful no matter what you wear! I think primarily it’s the attitude change. Once my stunning and creative 18 year-old niece raided my father‘s closet – a closet that was filled with polyester and hopelessly unstylish clothes. She was going to a party and didn’t have time to go home to change so she pulled a few items from his closet and she came out looking like a runway model. I told her the difference between us was that I would look like I was wearing my father‘s clothes. 🤪😂 seriously, Jen, when I look at the photos, it is the beauty emanating from inside of you and I mean every word of it.
You have always looked lovely in your photographs. This writing helps address how complicated it is to come to terms with cultural expectations for us as we express ourselves. Negative attention on our clothes, our bodies, our voice and our creativity have siphoned off so much energy that we women need to use our power. We can find joy in what is ours to decide.
I needed to read this! I am 64, have gotten rid of SO many clothes in the last few months and feel like I have nothing to wear. And I feel like I don’t know how to shop any more! Basically stopped during Covid, gained weight, have now lost that weight but want to lose more. And I don’t want to look frumpy! I’ve started watching styling reels, too and it’s helping. Love your pics - you look great! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for this Jennifer. You look adorable. I too struggle with dressing myself. I am 74 (almost) and wear a lot of Sundance Catalog clothing because I'm still a young hippie at heart. Sometimes I feel ridiculous. I love to look at videos of what people are wearing in Paris and think I'd love to dress like that...or I see a photo of a fabulous older woman wearing her gray hair proudly, huge glasses and oh so much color, and I think, "Yes!" But to replace my wardrobe at this stage would cost so you'll still find me in jeans most days (or sweats), but hey! I live in a town of 1000 after spending 30 years in Los Angeles. I'm just taking a short break. LOL
Great piece, thank you. I loved dressing as a young woman, but as middle age creeped on, I lost all enthusiasm. I’m turning 60 soon, and now I’m feeling the vibe to really put some verve in my dress again. The timing of this piece is perfect, so encouraging -and yes - I’m doing it for me and my post menopausal peeps now. 🦋
I like this! It is hard - deciding what to wear, how I want to portray myself, etc. Also being a short, fairly curvy person - very hard to find things that fit. I recently gave myself a gift - I signed up for a clothing subscription services for short people! Whoot! Not everything is a win, but I love that they send me things that I would never have picked for myself, but end up loving.
When I wrote NOTES ON THE NEED FOR BEAUTY, I had the most fun researching and writing the chapter called "Rags & Threads, Wraps & Shawls". In college, my friends and I took to heart Thoreau's admonition, "Beware of enterprises that require new clothes" as we lived in our blue jeans and big shirts. My attitude started to shift when I saw a sign tacked to a wall at a dancer's studio "Clothes are the aura of the body made visible." For months at a time, especially when I'm busy or solitary, I'm hardly interested in what I am wearing. And when I'm making art, I am happy to live in dark pants spattered with colors. But why wouldn't I enjoy clothes, when color and texture are so important to me? Now make-up, that's another story.
At 56, I'm coming to accept that my body will never be what it was in my 30s and 40s, and one reason it has been so difficult to dress myself since the pandemic has been that my closet was overflowing with outdated, too small or too big, no-longer-desirable clothing and shoes. After months of watching lots of styling and closet organization videos, last month I had a break in my schedule and decided to finally tackle my closet by purging clothes and finally replacing the original limiting hanging rods with pieces of a PAX closet system from Ikea. I filled several 50-gallon trash bags full of clothes and shoes, donated most to an immigrant community, and may try to consign the rest later in the summer. It feels incredible to be able see all of my clothes and know everything I see actually fits and is something I would enjoy wearing! I feel 10 lbs lighter without actually losing weight, and getting dressed now is much more fun.
I love how much personality and warmth shine from your style! What a great topic.
I too have struggled with clothes. I've always had a very eccentric style—blue mascara, big glasses, patterns and colors and sparkles galore—but I'm super reserved! This has always been a place of friction and vulnerability for me...
Now that I'm in my 30s, I've embraced simplicity so I feel more at ease—gearing toward texture, interesting stitching, and vintage pieces—while still making room for the part of myself that appreciates a bright scarf or flamboyant coat!
This is great! You look great. I think for those of us with gray hair it helps to dress fun and stylishly. The pearl necklace reconfiguration is a great idea to make it “you”. I have my mom’s jewelry and am slowly reconfiguring to make it more me.
Loved the article. Thank you. I see clothing as an opportunity to play with another art form. I've been using a clothing/shopping (online) service and it has been super fun and opened me up to new possibilities.
Thank you Jen!!! Omg, yes. I've had so many challenges due to my changing body at 57. So much cultural conditioning. So, how the heck does one wear a skirt?? Tucked in, my torso looks so short and I've lost my waist over the years. Accessories?? What are those? I really love how you've approached this and love the way you've put things together that are YOU. Isn't it the case for so many of us, finding our unique expression in all areas of our lives. I love the idea of watching other people to get ideas on how to put outfits together. Definitely will start following some of the people you've suggested!
Yes to all that and add the crazy ass sizing and a million other factors… it’s insane it’s so hard to feel good about clothes. Also I snorted: accessories, what are those? I always thought they were so silly!!
😂 I’ll also add that I worked with a woman once at Aritzia and she said I was dressing like I was 2 sizes bigger! She helped a lot. I realized I was dressing based on how big I thought I was in my mind’s eye. I wonder if others here can relate to dressing bigger than we are.
OH. MY. GOD. Yes!
For a long time I’ve judged myself for how hard I find it to clothe myself. Usually I resort to jeans and a t-shirt and then gaze longingly at women who look so put together. Only recently have I learned what you did — accessories make the outfit.
Also, I have yet to stop giving a shit about what other people think about my clothing choices. For every speaking engagement or conference or party or event where I’d be with people who didn’t already love me, I would panic about what to wear. I still do!
The way I solved this problem is super privileged — I got a stylist who dresses and advises me. She puts together outfits, takes a picture and labels them. “Board meeting. Date night. Daytime casual.” When I go on a trip she helps me shop my own closet to put together outfits, or shops for real to plug holes.
When I need help in a pinch, I ask my daughter who is a fashionista with amazing taste.
I don’t know if I’ll ever like shopping. I also don’t know if I even know what is ME in clothes. I mean I tend toward neutrals … and yet my personality is anything but. Maybe my clothes are the background so I can shine without clashing with them? Or maybe I’ve yet to own the clothes that would dance with my spirit in a swirl of yumminess.
It’s wild how hard it is. I had a stylist for a book tour and oh my god I loved it! I don’t like shopping for very long - spurts only - and not in stores. And I also wonder if the question of what is me in clothes is one I ditched because me is probably not out there in an outfit so I pick what’s the most me from what’s available if that makes any sense!!
Yes and what is “me” changes based on what part of me is forward at the moment!
Exactly!
Thank you so much for sharing this! if you’re interested in reading about how fashion is (and always has been) political you can read my post! 🧡
https://open.substack.com/pub/laurahahaha/p/political-fashion-and-the-rise-of?r=4wiioc&utm_medium=ios
I will thanks!!
What a fabulous post. I’m not alone!! Finding my way in my late 50’s and developing my own personal style has been a slow journey. I’m embracing vintage clothing and quality items found at thrift stores. I still don’t have the right “go to” outfits but I’m getting there. Thank Jen for reassuring me that it’s possible! You look FAB!
Thank you!! We can do this!
You are BeYou-tiful no matter what you wear! I think primarily it’s the attitude change. Once my stunning and creative 18 year-old niece raided my father‘s closet – a closet that was filled with polyester and hopelessly unstylish clothes. She was going to a party and didn’t have time to go home to change so she pulled a few items from his closet and she came out looking like a runway model. I told her the difference between us was that I would look like I was wearing my father‘s clothes. 🤪😂 seriously, Jen, when I look at the photos, it is the beauty emanating from inside of you and I mean every word of it.
that is so kind thank you!!!! and I love that story!!!!!
I am a hopeless truth teller! 💕
You have always looked lovely in your photographs. This writing helps address how complicated it is to come to terms with cultural expectations for us as we express ourselves. Negative attention on our clothes, our bodies, our voice and our creativity have siphoned off so much energy that we women need to use our power. We can find joy in what is ours to decide.
Beautifully said. I also had to overcome shame that even thinking about how I wanted to dress was giving in to the patriarchy.
But it does give me joy… for now.
I needed to read this! I am 64, have gotten rid of SO many clothes in the last few months and feel like I have nothing to wear. And I feel like I don’t know how to shop any more! Basically stopped during Covid, gained weight, have now lost that weight but want to lose more. And I don’t want to look frumpy! I’ve started watching styling reels, too and it’s helping. Love your pics - you look great! Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad it helped!! Have fun!!
Thanks for this Jennifer. You look adorable. I too struggle with dressing myself. I am 74 (almost) and wear a lot of Sundance Catalog clothing because I'm still a young hippie at heart. Sometimes I feel ridiculous. I love to look at videos of what people are wearing in Paris and think I'd love to dress like that...or I see a photo of a fabulous older woman wearing her gray hair proudly, huge glasses and oh so much color, and I think, "Yes!" But to replace my wardrobe at this stage would cost so you'll still find me in jeans most days (or sweats), but hey! I live in a town of 1000 after spending 30 years in Los Angeles. I'm just taking a short break. LOL
Just a short break!! 👏🏻❤️
🤣
Great piece, thank you. I loved dressing as a young woman, but as middle age creeped on, I lost all enthusiasm. I’m turning 60 soon, and now I’m feeling the vibe to really put some verve in my dress again. The timing of this piece is perfect, so encouraging -and yes - I’m doing it for me and my post menopausal peeps now. 🦋
for us! for what we want! screw the noise!
I like this! It is hard - deciding what to wear, how I want to portray myself, etc. Also being a short, fairly curvy person - very hard to find things that fit. I recently gave myself a gift - I signed up for a clothing subscription services for short people! Whoot! Not everything is a win, but I love that they send me things that I would never have picked for myself, but end up loving.
short is hard, I’m short too. what a great gift to yourself!
When I wrote NOTES ON THE NEED FOR BEAUTY, I had the most fun researching and writing the chapter called "Rags & Threads, Wraps & Shawls". In college, my friends and I took to heart Thoreau's admonition, "Beware of enterprises that require new clothes" as we lived in our blue jeans and big shirts. My attitude started to shift when I saw a sign tacked to a wall at a dancer's studio "Clothes are the aura of the body made visible." For months at a time, especially when I'm busy or solitary, I'm hardly interested in what I am wearing. And when I'm making art, I am happy to live in dark pants spattered with colors. But why wouldn't I enjoy clothes, when color and texture are so important to me? Now make-up, that's another story.
Ruth The Book of Qualities was such a treasured book for me. I’m so flattered you read my piece and glad to see you here!!!
Lovely share your article I basked in it - what a creative art - making a love our own alchemy and clothing!
Love the orange skirt and the glow of you in your share. The necklace just wow that’s a special touch 💐😊
It was fun to take mom’s pearls and makes them something I would wear. Thanks!!
Heartfelt art 😊
At 56, I'm coming to accept that my body will never be what it was in my 30s and 40s, and one reason it has been so difficult to dress myself since the pandemic has been that my closet was overflowing with outdated, too small or too big, no-longer-desirable clothing and shoes. After months of watching lots of styling and closet organization videos, last month I had a break in my schedule and decided to finally tackle my closet by purging clothes and finally replacing the original limiting hanging rods with pieces of a PAX closet system from Ikea. I filled several 50-gallon trash bags full of clothes and shoes, donated most to an immigrant community, and may try to consign the rest later in the summer. It feels incredible to be able see all of my clothes and know everything I see actually fits and is something I would enjoy wearing! I feel 10 lbs lighter without actually losing weight, and getting dressed now is much more fun.
I love how much personality and warmth shine from your style! What a great topic.
I too have struggled with clothes. I've always had a very eccentric style—blue mascara, big glasses, patterns and colors and sparkles galore—but I'm super reserved! This has always been a place of friction and vulnerability for me...
Now that I'm in my 30s, I've embraced simplicity so I feel more at ease—gearing toward texture, interesting stitching, and vintage pieces—while still making room for the part of myself that appreciates a bright scarf or flamboyant coat!
oh that all sounds so juicy! I want some blue mascara!
This is great! You look great. I think for those of us with gray hair it helps to dress fun and stylishly. The pearl necklace reconfiguration is a great idea to make it “you”. I have my mom’s jewelry and am slowly reconfiguring to make it more me.
Redoing my mom’s jewelry was such mom fun!! ❤️❤️
Loved the article. Thank you. I see clothing as an opportunity to play with another art form. I've been using a clothing/shopping (online) service and it has been super fun and opened me up to new possibilities.
love that way of framing it!
Thank you Jen!!! Omg, yes. I've had so many challenges due to my changing body at 57. So much cultural conditioning. So, how the heck does one wear a skirt?? Tucked in, my torso looks so short and I've lost my waist over the years. Accessories?? What are those? I really love how you've approached this and love the way you've put things together that are YOU. Isn't it the case for so many of us, finding our unique expression in all areas of our lives. I love the idea of watching other people to get ideas on how to put outfits together. Definitely will start following some of the people you've suggested!
Yes to all that and add the crazy ass sizing and a million other factors… it’s insane it’s so hard to feel good about clothes. Also I snorted: accessories, what are those? I always thought they were so silly!!
😂 I’ll also add that I worked with a woman once at Aritzia and she said I was dressing like I was 2 sizes bigger! She helped a lot. I realized I was dressing based on how big I thought I was in my mind’s eye. I wonder if others here can relate to dressing bigger than we are.
I did that too!
I did that and still do.
I hear you. I'm still doing it too now that my weight has changed again.
I always loved clothes!
It's inspiring, to hear about it with some other focus from some other viewpoints.
❤️❤️❤️