I'm sorry

I've lost my words and I need a wee rest

Hey there,

I've been silent for the last week because, like so many Americans, I’m gutted by the election results. I was expecting something very, very different.

I’m not going to comment on what happened. Smarter minds than mine, including Heather Cox Richardson, are doing a fine fact-based job.

Also as

Katherine May

wisely said:

I’m writing to you not with any hot takes or fingerpointing or exhortations to take care of your mental health — but please do!!!! — but because we have a relationship and it feels wrong to go silent.

But the truth is I’ve lost my words

It’s not that I feel “why bother"? to write. I’m working on my novel and that feels great. It’s just that I don’t know what to say here that feels helpful.

I think it’s because my innate optimism has been battered. I need time to get it back.

I (think) I feel a recklessness sprouting in me, a wild defiance, and I’m sure millions and millions of people are feeling this too. Maybe this newsletter will become about defiance. There is, after all, a lot of defiance in deciding “it’s not too late.”

But for now, I need a break. I’ve already started having nightmares again. I wake up so sure have forgotten to secure our house and if I don’t figure out what I didn’t do, something bad will get inside. I had these same nightmares before, during the last dark time.

I can’t even imagine how frightening the nightmares of the vulnerable are.

When my optimism and my words return, hopefully soon, I’ll be back! In the meantime, I’ll keep writing once a month about writing and reading, you can subscribe to that newsletter here. I can write about writing and reading because those activities are my life rafts right now, along with my family and my dog. Maybe for you too?

What are you doing to comfort and care for yourself? I’d love to hear and I’m sure other readers would too.

And if you have an idea what you’d like to see me write about when I’m feeling myself again, please share your ideas.

Note my daughter left for me — she came home for the election which was such a comfort.

My self-care right now is reading mysteries (one a day!), eating baguettes from our local bakery, running with friends, saying I love you a lot, and reaching out to friends I’m worried about because they will be directly impacted by the coming madness. I’ve shut off the news and social completely.

I haven’t had the energy for activism yet and that’s okay. I worked on the election and got my hopes way up. I need a break. We are allowed to take breaks.

You are allowed to take a break.

I’ll be back soon.

Peace be with you.

Jen