You're very brave, Jen. It's hard to sit with our own failings and keep going. But you're right, it's a process, writing. Nothing comes out perfect (whatever that is) on the first try. I do still get bogged down in "premature" editing. I need to keep pushing forward, like you say, get a draft done, a messy draft (I'm working on a memoir).
Years ago I visited the Hemingway house in Key West, and I saw a handwritten page from one of Hemingway's drafts in his office, and I was struck by how he wasn't two lines in before he was crossing something out. And that's Hemingway. Good luck with your project.
that's a great story Pips! When I'm in a good place, I can sit in the gap between what I envisioned and what's on the page, just be with it. Have a good relationship with it. And that always feels very enlivening and honest. Good luck with your messy first draft!!
Yes, I know that guy, too. Thank you for sharing this! Soon after I declared myself a poet some weeks ago, my well ran dry. The stuff I wrote became boring... Then I tried a lot of well tested writing techniques... okayish. And then I asked myself why my self declared "it is only applied poetry" was better and more creative than my "poetry". And all the yoga books I ever read responded as a mantra choir: your expectations, dear, are wrong - ooommmm. Expectations of first drafts, of giving myself some space to grow, thoughts about "results" - though for me the best thing about writing is, well, writing, and "not having written this and that". It is the joy of images, playfulness, and listening to my inner voice. And it is about trusting myself, my desire to do it, and my processes of doing. And maybe Mr. Cringe tries to teach this... or maybe I had too much Yoga ;-)
That's lovely 🤗 so, together, with your beautiful impulses and insights, we get ourselves to a richer and more joyful way of living our dreams. Namaste 💖
Echoing others when I say: I, too, needed to read this today!
I'm thinking of writing a book myself (😬) but, as a perfectionist who always edits as she goes, I feel daunted by how exhausted I'll be by the drafting process of a longer work.
This is the perfect reminder that letting the first pass be totally cringe (somehow more resonant than the "shitty first draft," for whatever reason) is the only way I'll ever do it!
You have tipped me off my post on the fence. I will write that fantasy novel. I will let go and do it. Hearing the story about the literary family and expectation of "better" literature than "fantasy" really hit home. My husband wants me to write mysteries. I hate your average mystery, but he continues to suggest mystery plots to me. I'm gonna just stand up and dance my fantasy dance like nobody is watching. Thank you.
Just what I needed to hear as I get ready, again, to restart the writing after an unavoidable pause. Cringe is inevitable as I reread what I’ve written… thanks for the encouragement.
Oh yes totally. Your story about your journey means so much. And maybe the cringe factor and the willingness to sit and write through it gives a special something to the book, the savour of salty tears. Thank you
Happy to report I've stepped away from the ledge, thanks to this detail: "I do this because I once spent two years rewriting the first 40 pages of a novel." Thank you Jen for sharing such a specific example and for what followed: "Still, there are days I stop writing and sink into a funk because the gap between my taste and where my book is now is so ginormous." It is helping me plow through.
Im so so glad you are plowing through! I will say that when I quit fiction years ago, I didn’t understand it was the cringe factor. I just quit. It’s so fascinating how we are so opaque to ourselves.
Every time I read through some of the early pieces I did for my current project I feel that cringy feeling. I’m still working on so much content for my book (non-fiction), but next month I’m going to try to at least define and organize what I’ve got into sections. It’s a complete disaster currently because I just write about whatever I’m feeling on any given day. Cringing just thinking about trying to jam all of it into some sort of organization
Sharon organization comes At different times and ways for books. I’ve seen it with my own books and also for my client’s so many times. Sometimes I have helped clients organize beautifully from the start and other times the book decides it wants to be about something else.
I do find that having a model or two to look at can help. A current client’s book has morphed twice and is not looking more like social commentary and so we’ve been finding models for her to study. all of this is to say: you can figure it out and you are not alone!! ❤️
Same!! I have notebooks all over the place. My “book” is in there somewhere. It’s like I took the spine off of a book and then threw all of the pages into the air. They are all around me and somehow they make sense. I know the book is there. I just need to pick up each page, look for the page number and put them in order. The page numbers are intuitive and I have trouble trusting that intuition so I get stuck.
I felt this so hard! The cringe. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I’m writing my first novel, and I’ve only just gotten back to it after 8 months in a cringe abyss. I think I fell into the rewrite trap you mentioned and that created more and more cringe. Nothing felt good enough, and I didn’t know where to go next. This time I keep saying to myself when the rewrite temptation hits, “Keep moving forward. First drafts are supposed to be bad. Just write all the words, the good the bad and the ugly.”
Back when I was studying music, there was this piano player, Lowell. Lowell would come into class and not say anything to anyone. Instead, he'd go straight to the piano and start playing. He was technically brilliant. But he looked around when he played, as if scanning for reactions. He looked *suspicious*. What's more, his touch was exactly like his demeanor: soft and slinking. Now, it's difficult to sound like that on the piano, but it had an odd effect, almost like Lowell's overconfidence had caused his talent to spoil into something unpalatable that was audible in his playing.
Contrast him with another guy, Jimmy, a guy who looked and talked like Jerry Lewis. (I swear this was the case.) Jimmy was sloppy and strange and when he sat down at the piano he went BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM without any regard for who might be scrutinizing him. And you know what? He wasn't that good a player. I mean, he was ok. But he sounded like himself (he was loud and would have a conversation with anyone, and with that voice) and it was always a pleasure to listen to him.
One had skill, the other was an artist.
A long time ago, I made peace with the idea that I'd always be *the writer*, the weird one in the room. I was cool with that. That is, until I began to mistake craft for presentation.
Thanks for reminding me that craft *is* presentation. There's a reason Harlan Ellison used to write in bookstore windows.
Your piece made me want to put on my purple pants again.
Paul I adore this story! It made my heart beat fast, in a good way. maybe it's a two step dance - go inside and do it for yourself -- and then bridge the gap to the listener/reader? I know there is a truth to Jimmy's style I mine myself for, and that Lowell makes me want to go take a shower. :)
I am Elaine. Showing up and showing off full-on cringy! My kids and grandkids will let me know! I don’t really care. I don’t get embarrassed but apparently, I embarrass others. My writing cringe is a whole other story. I tell myself it has been done. The story has been told so many times before and I struggle to believe that mine is any different. I don’t believe I have new information. To counter that, I tell myself that it needs to be told. There is someone out there that needs my version of it. And I keep going. You inspire me because I needed your version.
That’s such a common comment I hear from my clients and retreat participants and from myself but the magic is always in the specifics that only you can tell because only you have lived them!! ❤️⭐️
My relatives are writers and artists and the prepostoneus (hm I think I just made up that word) of me writing a novel, let alone get it published, was for years a no go zone. Even writing this makes me cringe. I am writing, maybe never get published but the cringyness has not completely disappeared. Only it's not that strong anymore.
Carina I hear you. You and Lev need to hang out :). But seriously who gets to take our voice away? Nobody unless we let them or live in a repressive regime. I want your voice in the world! I want to read what you write. But more than that I want you, if it feels good, to take up the creative space you want. Here cheering you on from the Cringe Gap.
Always delivering the message at just the right time! Sitting awkwardly next to my cringe too x
cringing together sister!
I relate to so much of what you wrote as I develop my memoir. Thank you!
We can cringe together in Taos!
You're very brave, Jen. It's hard to sit with our own failings and keep going. But you're right, it's a process, writing. Nothing comes out perfect (whatever that is) on the first try. I do still get bogged down in "premature" editing. I need to keep pushing forward, like you say, get a draft done, a messy draft (I'm working on a memoir).
Years ago I visited the Hemingway house in Key West, and I saw a handwritten page from one of Hemingway's drafts in his office, and I was struck by how he wasn't two lines in before he was crossing something out. And that's Hemingway. Good luck with your project.
that's a great story Pips! When I'm in a good place, I can sit in the gap between what I envisioned and what's on the page, just be with it. Have a good relationship with it. And that always feels very enlivening and honest. Good luck with your messy first draft!!
Yes, I know that guy, too. Thank you for sharing this! Soon after I declared myself a poet some weeks ago, my well ran dry. The stuff I wrote became boring... Then I tried a lot of well tested writing techniques... okayish. And then I asked myself why my self declared "it is only applied poetry" was better and more creative than my "poetry". And all the yoga books I ever read responded as a mantra choir: your expectations, dear, are wrong - ooommmm. Expectations of first drafts, of giving myself some space to grow, thoughts about "results" - though for me the best thing about writing is, well, writing, and "not having written this and that". It is the joy of images, playfulness, and listening to my inner voice. And it is about trusting myself, my desire to do it, and my processes of doing. And maybe Mr. Cringe tries to teach this... or maybe I had too much Yoga ;-)
This is golden! AND what help me too!
That's lovely 🤗 so, together, with your beautiful impulses and insights, we get ourselves to a richer and more joyful way of living our dreams. Namaste 💖
that's what we want and we can have it right now!
Echoing others when I say: I, too, needed to read this today!
I'm thinking of writing a book myself (😬) but, as a perfectionist who always edits as she goes, I feel daunted by how exhausted I'll be by the drafting process of a longer work.
This is the perfect reminder that letting the first pass be totally cringe (somehow more resonant than the "shitty first draft," for whatever reason) is the only way I'll ever do it!
If you ever want book support happy to have a convo. Letting go is for sure part of it. ❤️🥸
I so appreciate that! Thanks, Jennifer ❤️
You have tipped me off my post on the fence. I will write that fantasy novel. I will let go and do it. Hearing the story about the literary family and expectation of "better" literature than "fantasy" really hit home. My husband wants me to write mysteries. I hate your average mystery, but he continues to suggest mystery plots to me. I'm gonna just stand up and dance my fantasy dance like nobody is watching. Thank you.
Let’s dance together!! We can do it!!
Just what I needed to hear as I get ready, again, to restart the writing after an unavoidable pause. Cringe is inevitable as I reread what I’ve written… thanks for the encouragement.
You got this! You have words and ideas to start with, to play with, and off you go. Cheering you on 🥳
Oh yes totally. Your story about your journey means so much. And maybe the cringe factor and the willingness to sit and write through it gives a special something to the book, the savour of salty tears. Thank you
Maybe because when we stay through the cringe something honest can show up. ❤️❤️❤️
Happy to report I've stepped away from the ledge, thanks to this detail: "I do this because I once spent two years rewriting the first 40 pages of a novel." Thank you Jen for sharing such a specific example and for what followed: "Still, there are days I stop writing and sink into a funk because the gap between my taste and where my book is now is so ginormous." It is helping me plow through.
Im so so glad you are plowing through! I will say that when I quit fiction years ago, I didn’t understand it was the cringe factor. I just quit. It’s so fascinating how we are so opaque to ourselves.
Every time I read through some of the early pieces I did for my current project I feel that cringy feeling. I’m still working on so much content for my book (non-fiction), but next month I’m going to try to at least define and organize what I’ve got into sections. It’s a complete disaster currently because I just write about whatever I’m feeling on any given day. Cringing just thinking about trying to jam all of it into some sort of organization
Sharon organization comes At different times and ways for books. I’ve seen it with my own books and also for my client’s so many times. Sometimes I have helped clients organize beautifully from the start and other times the book decides it wants to be about something else.
I do find that having a model or two to look at can help. A current client’s book has morphed twice and is not looking more like social commentary and so we’ve been finding models for her to study. all of this is to say: you can figure it out and you are not alone!! ❤️
Same!! I have notebooks all over the place. My “book” is in there somewhere. It’s like I took the spine off of a book and then threw all of the pages into the air. They are all around me and somehow they make sense. I know the book is there. I just need to pick up each page, look for the page number and put them in order. The page numbers are intuitive and I have trouble trusting that intuition so I get stuck.
That is a perfect image of what mine feels like too!
I felt this so hard! The cringe. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I’m writing my first novel, and I’ve only just gotten back to it after 8 months in a cringe abyss. I think I fell into the rewrite trap you mentioned and that created more and more cringe. Nothing felt good enough, and I didn’t know where to go next. This time I keep saying to myself when the rewrite temptation hits, “Keep moving forward. First drafts are supposed to be bad. Just write all the words, the good the bad and the ugly.”
I’m so glad you are back and writing. Don’t leave me alone I. The cringe gap. We can do this!
Thank you for this, Jen.
Back when I was studying music, there was this piano player, Lowell. Lowell would come into class and not say anything to anyone. Instead, he'd go straight to the piano and start playing. He was technically brilliant. But he looked around when he played, as if scanning for reactions. He looked *suspicious*. What's more, his touch was exactly like his demeanor: soft and slinking. Now, it's difficult to sound like that on the piano, but it had an odd effect, almost like Lowell's overconfidence had caused his talent to spoil into something unpalatable that was audible in his playing.
Contrast him with another guy, Jimmy, a guy who looked and talked like Jerry Lewis. (I swear this was the case.) Jimmy was sloppy and strange and when he sat down at the piano he went BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM without any regard for who might be scrutinizing him. And you know what? He wasn't that good a player. I mean, he was ok. But he sounded like himself (he was loud and would have a conversation with anyone, and with that voice) and it was always a pleasure to listen to him.
One had skill, the other was an artist.
A long time ago, I made peace with the idea that I'd always be *the writer*, the weird one in the room. I was cool with that. That is, until I began to mistake craft for presentation.
Thanks for reminding me that craft *is* presentation. There's a reason Harlan Ellison used to write in bookstore windows.
Your piece made me want to put on my purple pants again.
(Also, apologies for the book-length comment.)
Paul I adore this story! It made my heart beat fast, in a good way. maybe it's a two step dance - go inside and do it for yourself -- and then bridge the gap to the listener/reader? I know there is a truth to Jimmy's style I mine myself for, and that Lowell makes me want to go take a shower. :)
Yes! Yes! So wise!
Thanks Mary. It’s such an interesting state because I can see it and know it’s just a thought yet at the same time it’s so visceral.
That's so well put. Having a name for it is a step forward for me, so thanks for that defimitely NOT cringey insight.
yay!
I am Elaine. Showing up and showing off full-on cringy! My kids and grandkids will let me know! I don’t really care. I don’t get embarrassed but apparently, I embarrass others. My writing cringe is a whole other story. I tell myself it has been done. The story has been told so many times before and I struggle to believe that mine is any different. I don’t believe I have new information. To counter that, I tell myself that it needs to be told. There is someone out there that needs my version of it. And I keep going. You inspire me because I needed your version.
That’s such a common comment I hear from my clients and retreat participants and from myself but the magic is always in the specifics that only you can tell because only you have lived them!! ❤️⭐️
My relatives are writers and artists and the prepostoneus (hm I think I just made up that word) of me writing a novel, let alone get it published, was for years a no go zone. Even writing this makes me cringe. I am writing, maybe never get published but the cringyness has not completely disappeared. Only it's not that strong anymore.
Carina I hear you. You and Lev need to hang out :). But seriously who gets to take our voice away? Nobody unless we let them or live in a repressive regime. I want your voice in the world! I want to read what you write. But more than that I want you, if it feels good, to take up the creative space you want. Here cheering you on from the Cringe Gap.
Ahh definitely :-)
And thank you for your encouragement, it is really valuable for me and I take it to my ❤️
Cheers to less and less Cringe Gaps.
You bet. Cheering you on helps me feel less alone. Also we deserve a voice!! 👊🏼
👍🏼💪🏽
"Elaine is my spirit animal." I love this so much, Jen!
We could get t-shirts!!