Oooft Jennifer, this is incredible. I feel very seen as someone who 'rejects the sweetness of life' and lately I have realised that there must be another way to live. I am trying to think what to do about this. I will think about this piece a lot. Thank you.
I tried to read this once before - maybe I just wasn't ready for it yet. I have described a lot of the last six months as Bittersweet. Thanks for the reminder.
Jen, a brilliant and heartbreaking read. Just bought Long’s book and one of Ackerman’s as well. So many creative women to learn from, including you of course. I’ve dabbled with writing about my husband’s pancreatic cancer and subsequent death but reading your story set off memories and sobs of emotional pain, unexpected, but pushing me to write about it in a more visceral fashion. Once again you have inspired me. With gratitude, Leslie
Oh, wow. Jennifer, I am weeping into my glasses and can barely see to write this. Thank you. That question hit me straight in the pancreas: "Why does grandpa not believe we love him for himself?" Honestly, it makes me think about how may people might think I don't love them for themselves.
Jen, your writing is exceptional. This piece is so evocative. I felt my emotions rising and falling with each paragraph. I have to go back and read it slowly again. And I’ve learned a new word! Velutinous! I had to look it up. I could almost feel the texture of it between my fingers. Thank you for touching us so deeply with your words. 💙
I am going to buy Priscilla Long's book. My writing has felt so dry lately, though improving - I appreciate the idea of experimenting by writing from role models.
I have also had death on the mind and on the end of my pen. It has taken me a while to be ready to process the sequential deaths of my Dad, my youngest brother, my mother and several friends in the last few years.
Grief has been my companion since my first daughter was stillborn 35 (!!!) years ago. I'm comfortable with death, to a certain extent... and wanted to thank you for helping me recognize the calling to move through it more now that there is distance.
Sweet Jen. So much to love about this piece. What struck me the most was the feeling of "being one step removed from the breathtaking moments of life." Goose-bumpy WOW. Because I can't count the number of times I've felt I didn't deserve such sweetness. That those breathtaking moments couldn't possibly be for me.
Lately I've been watching a particular female hummingbird at the feeder outside my office window. She darts in, so cautious, so timid, so afraid of being scolded by the other hummers ("This is not yours--it's not for you"), she can only take sips.
Thank you for reminding us that life's sweetness is not a function of worthiness. We are ALL worthy of it. And it's never too late to graduate from timid sips to Big Gulps of it. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story and reminding us to enjoy the sweetness. I'm looking at the weather forecast for an upcoming trip and worrying about the predicted rain but now I'm going to revel in that lovely, lovely time of looking forward to a trip. The anticipation is such a fun part of vacation and I'm denying myself that joy by worrying about something out of my control. Thanks again!
My own dad died of pancreatic cancer in 2011 - no treatments as was not indicated - he did not choose palliative chemo. Your writing here resonates so very much - May is the anniversary month and I often walk in nature - noticing the trees, the light and the life surrounding me - immersed in sadness and joy! Thank you!
Oh, Jen. A beautiful essay. I love the fragmented nature of it, as memories and grief behave similarly. My father died of pancreatic cancer too, in 1994, 18 months after his diagnosis.
Thank you so much for sharing this long ago writing about you, his and your pancreas and your dad.
We're likely kindred souls of a sort; all you write, share and express makes me want to hold your hand while we meander through a forest together with wonder about all we notice, the changing weather and this time we got to visit.
Oooft Jennifer, this is incredible. I feel very seen as someone who 'rejects the sweetness of life' and lately I have realised that there must be another way to live. I am trying to think what to do about this. I will think about this piece a lot. Thank you.
It’s a practice. And one I still fail at. But I’m better for trying.
Can I also recommend the book Bittersweet, by Susan Cain. (https://www.amazon.com/Bittersweet-Sorrow-Longing-Make-Whole-ebook/dp/B09BV7K7BQ) It's a very powerful book on the concept of joy/sorrow
I tried to read this once before - maybe I just wasn't ready for it yet. I have described a lot of the last six months as Bittersweet. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks Rona! ❤️
Jen, a brilliant and heartbreaking read. Just bought Long’s book and one of Ackerman’s as well. So many creative women to learn from, including you of course. I’ve dabbled with writing about my husband’s pancreatic cancer and subsequent death but reading your story set off memories and sobs of emotional pain, unexpected, but pushing me to write about it in a more visceral fashion. Once again you have inspired me. With gratitude, Leslie
Oh Leslie thinking of you and your tender heart. I hope writing gives you comfort. Something about putting it into a story helps me. Big hugs!
Wow. Everyone needs to read this. A master class in writing and living.
Thanks Peri!❤️
Oh, wow. Jennifer, I am weeping into my glasses and can barely see to write this. Thank you. That question hit me straight in the pancreas: "Why does grandpa not believe we love him for himself?" Honestly, it makes me think about how may people might think I don't love them for themselves.
Emile thanks for reading!! And man isn’t it true, sometimes it’s hard to convince people we love them. 🫶🏽
Jen, your writing is exceptional. This piece is so evocative. I felt my emotions rising and falling with each paragraph. I have to go back and read it slowly again. And I’ve learned a new word! Velutinous! I had to look it up. I could almost feel the texture of it between my fingers. Thank you for touching us so deeply with your words. 💙
Gaby thank YOU for taking the time to tell me. I feel so honored. I appreciate you!
You are so welcome. 💙
I am going to buy Priscilla Long's book. My writing has felt so dry lately, though improving - I appreciate the idea of experimenting by writing from role models.
I have also had death on the mind and on the end of my pen. It has taken me a while to be ready to process the sequential deaths of my Dad, my youngest brother, my mother and several friends in the last few years.
Grief has been my companion since my first daughter was stillborn 35 (!!!) years ago. I'm comfortable with death, to a certain extent... and wanted to thank you for helping me recognize the calling to move through it more now that there is distance.
My heart is weeping as I visualize Lilly doing cartwheels. Thanks for sharing this. For a time such as this....it was needed.
She’s here visiting this week! ❤️
Sweet Jen. So much to love about this piece. What struck me the most was the feeling of "being one step removed from the breathtaking moments of life." Goose-bumpy WOW. Because I can't count the number of times I've felt I didn't deserve such sweetness. That those breathtaking moments couldn't possibly be for me.
Lately I've been watching a particular female hummingbird at the feeder outside my office window. She darts in, so cautious, so timid, so afraid of being scolded by the other hummers ("This is not yours--it's not for you"), she can only take sips.
Thank you for reminding us that life's sweetness is not a function of worthiness. We are ALL worthy of it. And it's never too late to graduate from timid sips to Big Gulps of it. ❤️❤️❤️
Gulp!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story and reminding us to enjoy the sweetness. I'm looking at the weather forecast for an upcoming trip and worrying about the predicted rain but now I'm going to revel in that lovely, lovely time of looking forward to a trip. The anticipation is such a fun part of vacation and I'm denying myself that joy by worrying about something out of my control. Thanks again!
Son understandable!! Glad the essay helped. ❤️
My own dad died of pancreatic cancer in 2011 - no treatments as was not indicated - he did not choose palliative chemo. Your writing here resonates so very much - May is the anniversary month and I often walk in nature - noticing the trees, the light and the life surrounding me - immersed in sadness and joy! Thank you!
I’m sorry for your loss. And yes, sadness and joy!
Oh, Jen. A beautiful essay. I love the fragmented nature of it, as memories and grief behave similarly. My father died of pancreatic cancer too, in 1994, 18 months after his diagnosis.
Oh Amy, I didn’t know we had that in common. I’m sorry. You were young!
Wow, Jennifer.
Thank you so much for sharing this long ago writing about you, his and your pancreas and your dad.
We're likely kindred souls of a sort; all you write, share and express makes me want to hold your hand while we meander through a forest together with wonder about all we notice, the changing weather and this time we got to visit.
Bless you all ways and days!
Thank you Joy for reading!
I LOVE reading your writing as I'm able, Jennifer!
Beautiful story, Jenn. And what a fantastic assignment. Sounds like it was a great class from a great teacher. Does she still teach?
Here you go! https://www.priscillalong.net/eventscourses/
I’m not sure she’s in Seattle and I actually went to classes in person ❤️
Amazing writing, Jen.
Thanks Adam!!
What a fantastic essay. I love your writing and I love hearing how it came to be. I think I need to go get Priscilla's book!
It’s brilliant!
Beautiful. Thank you. ❤️