I *adore* this phrase. As someone who's young adult children will be moving on soon as my husband retires in a few years, this is definitely something I want to think about.
Thank you for this beautiful article, and the invitation to share a story. For me, my most dramatic identity shift was a full reclamation of motherhood. My husband and I lost our first (and at the time, only) daughter when she was about two years old. It was a long and difficult road, but we eventually had two more daughters -- each a unique miracle unto themselves. After my youngest survived a cardiac arrest when she was two, and she was subsequently diagnosed with an impossibly rare genetic condition, we finally had an answer as to what happened to our first daughter. And for some reason, being able to lay that mystery to rest was what it took for me to change my identity from "I am a mother who lost a child" to "I am the mother of THREE daughters."
Jessica what a heart filling amazing story. I am so full reading this and thinking about you and how this information expanded your story. It gives me so much to think about - how facts can liberate, and more. I hope your family is healthy.
Thank you, Jen, for writing this article. It resonated with me and reminded me of a conversation I had with a former chaplain colleague. I miss the work I did as a hospital clergy member, supporting patients, families, and staff. However, my colleague reminded me that it's okay to take some time for myself and not have a specific purpose every day.
When I moved to northern Portugal and started writing The Perennial Immigrant in late 2022, I wanted to document my journey of leaving my old life in the US behind. As I started writing, I realized that sharing my experiences with others helped me re-create a new identity. I'm surprised and grateful to have subscribers who read my posts regularly.
Since retiring, I've been able to engage in tasks that I used to outsource in my old life, such as cleaning and organizing. It's been refreshing to take my time and do things on my schedule. I'm also interested in learning more about slow living and minimalism. Finding my purpose will take time, but I'm patient and waiting for that moment when it all clicks.
There is so much inspiration here for writing, creating, and learning. Upon reflection, I can see that the course of my life has been greatly affected by the deep disconnect between my personal (internal?) and external identities. I often felt I had to choose between being who I am and being accepted by others. My father (who likely experienced this disconnect too) told me that if I wanted to play in someone else's playpen, I had to play by their rules, and instead of resisting that urge, as he did, I became really good at determining and conforming with others' rules. I hid what I liked to do and what I was good at (pretending, wondering, creating), and instead worked hard to do what I thought strong, independent, cool girls did in the 1970s, a kind of schizophrenic combination of Little League and Barbies. No one should find out that at home I was reading George Will and Isaac Asimov and waiting patiently for another trip to a museum or the relatives' farms.
I hid my oddities so well that eventually they atrophied and rarely bothered me anymore. I ignored the recruitment letters of colleges that would have truly supported me, but at least I was able to realize that literature was a better fit for me than business. But then, dear reader, I married him, and over the next decade I became a wife, a divorcée (remember that term?), and a single schoolmarm. I was "old" at 30. Because I had squandered my chances to live out my dreams, I deserved my uncomfortable fate.
Though severe depression caused me to change careers, my identity as an irredeemable failure has remained intact. But I am hopeful. With exercise and persistence, most atrophied muscles can be strengthened. Why not atrophied identities? With regular practice -- reading, writing, drawing, experiencing nature -- I can reconnect my external life with my internal identity. By making conscious choices about the contents and course of my life (who, what, where, when) I can express that which I know to be true within me. It's not too late. And I'm thankful for your encouragement and companionship on the journey.
Oh Paula this post shines with t your faith and determination to not let this call go unheeded, to shuck off failure as your identity and take back up who you really are. I can’t wait to watch what you create!🥳🌟🫶🏽👊🏼
Oh, Paula, when you wrote "because I had squandered my chances to live out my dreams, I deserved my uncomfortable fate," I felt a stab right in the gut. I have spent the last 4½ years since my husband died trying to figure out who I truly am and what I truly desire. All of that was pushed deep into my subconscious while I "showed up" to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I've also had to go through a lot of grief which has included depression and rage as I've done this work. And this work seems some of the hardest work I've ever done in my life. I'm certainly not there yet, but slowly I think I'm getting closer. I'm excited to finally meet the real me.
It's so heartening to know that no matter how hard our current personal work is, there is always someone out there sharing the experience. I won't say that "misery loves company," but at least we're not alone. I'm excited for you too.
Hey hey Paula! If you remember that song, you might think it describes your path, but that's really an aside because I'll tell you (and maybe Jen will recall from hearing my story at the April Taos retreat last year) that I have lived through similar events. Mine did not occur in the same order as yours but, with any luck and some effort, the results will be the same.
I married and became a mom at 35. By that time, I had let go of the idea that I would have either in my life and I was fine with that, although my family (mainly my semi-stereotypical Jewish mother) was not. Now, 30+ years after living a life similar to what happened to you 30 years ago (marriage, family, divorce AFTER 30 YEARS) I find myself essentially back at that same point in time.
Way back then, 30 or so years ago, I was OK with my single status. After the trajectory of my life from that point changed along with my status, my identity also changed, probably to the point where my now ex tried to shame me by telling me that he felt he was #5 behind our two children and my parents. He may have felt that way internally for a while but didn't come right out and start telling me that until close to the end. Looking back, I have come to think that could explain a lot of his behaviors well before then.
In any case, now that I am back mentally and emotionally to myself at 35 AND retired, I have regained the attitude but now also have the resources (time and money) to achieve what you've identified as your goals. They are mine, too.
I had a seismic shift at the end of last year. For over 2 decades my “identity” that I labeled myself with was “I’m not a good mum”. Now, what I had done was, I felt huge amounts of shame because I couldn’t keep the house tidy and clean (spoiler alert, I got diagnosed with ADHD recently, so it was an uphill battle from the start). Not being a good mum was something I never said, except, I guess it kind of leaked out as the kids got older. Then one day, it clicked when my 20 year old daughter said, “mum, you saying your not a good mum, is like obaachan (my mum) saying she’s a bad cook - it’s crazy”. This narrative that I was always falling short because so so entrenched in me, that it was creating a warped reality. One day, I asked myself, “what does it mean to be a good mum”, the answer was “love your kids”. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that I loved our kids. So therefore, I was a good mum. It’s so hard to throw off the identities (real or imagined) after so many years. Wishing everyone the best of luck in their shifts!!! Thank you for this though provoking piece. Xx
Oh what a poignant truth! Oh my yes how often have I said I’m not good at something or not reaching a standard. My husband calls me out in this all the time. Thank you Mika!
I have been taking voice lessons for a couple of years now and singing with my husband while he plays piano (he is a real musician—has a degree in it, has great ears, very good relative pitch, knows music theory, can read music, etc.) I never call myself a musician or even a singer, because I am so aware of my faults and deficiencies in singing. But he makes a point of calling me a musician. It’s an identity I need to grow into.
You are right Jen, to create lasting and meaningful change usually requires we become someone different. Sometimes this means we have to get clear on who we no longer want to be and questioning if our beliefs about our self our true.
Your belief about a prior injury making you unable to run is similar to what I hear at my job every day, I spend a lot of time encouraging patients to question this kind of thought.
Before I quit drinking alcohol I spent weeks questioning my thoughts about having a glass of wine until I finally could see that I was making it all up, I did not need a glass of wine to relax!
Thank you, Jen, for this topic. Exactly the mentioned points are quite difficult... I'am a POET;) Getting it so clearly exemplified, make them seem somehow easier than before (when there were just these little voices in the backround of my mind, chest and belly).
One thing, on the practical side, always helps me. To see and feel that change is happening and wanted, I change things on the outside. I give away clothes which represent the old identity. I give books away... And I always change the looks of my flat. Of course not buying new stuff, but desks, tables and a lot of other things are rearranged. Without spending a cent you can let go material representatives of the identityparts who may go and make room for growing. It is much more effective than vision boards. Best news: in puberty we all learned how to develop an identity. So we can do it again. Back than, a new haircut did help, too ...
Oh, the idea of giving away material things, "parts of me" that I no longer need, really resonates. Especially when combined with reflecting on who I no longer want to be. Thank you!
(And the insight that part of navigating puberty is creating/growing into a new identity is also very rich for me -- I was bitter about "having to" give up parts of myself, but now I am realizing that I was able to protect those parts of me for years and now is the time for them to resurface. Again, thanks.)
I love this article. Thank you. I wanted to write my story so much that I gave myself permission to be the worst in the program for years. I didn't know how to write a memoir and in fact, had a writing phobia when I first got my PR job at a hospital in Oregon where I had to write in 1987. But taking your retreat was one of the best things I did maybe a decade ago. Anyone considering your writing retreats needs to remember, it's the people you surround yourself with that will make you a better writer plus finding a mentor. I absolutely loved my time with you at the Taos Writers Retreat. I hope to have my memoir manuscript finished this year.
I love this post/ these comments. My whole Substack is really about finding my way in a new identity having left the judiciary, a job that has very particular identity markers attached. One thing I struggled with was finding my new identity as a coach and creator too easy. It didn’t seem deserved and at the same time felt flimsy and ‘not real work’ because it was not pushing me to the limit as law always did. I felt I’d stoped bring a Judge only to be one a lazy dilettante! It was my coaching supervisor who really helped me shift that view. He came from engineering and explained that in that field work is a physics term meaning the moving of an object and good engineers aims to make work as easy as possible ie with as little friction as possible. ( Think a train moving easily along rails unhindered by bumps or snow or leaves). It really helped me be able to fully claim that new identity and in so doing let go of the overwork syndrome.
"Too easy" follows me around too. Good to remember that easy does not mean lazy, and that work does not need to be hard in order to be good or useful or meaningful.
My "story" isn't so much about identity in a particular area, but in a general "how I see myself" kind of paradigm shift. After my divorce (30+ years ago) I was definitely lost and didn't trust myself with even the smallest of decisions. I was following advice from whoever offered it, often with less than positive outcomes. One day I was listening to the radio and Rush's song "Free Will" was playing. There is a line that states, "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice". That line smacked me right upside my head and I realized that I needed to be proactive in my life, rather than letting others choose for me. Game changer.
I have been the caretaker, mediator, peacekeeper, nurse, mother in my family. Sensible. Reliable. Dependable. An over giver and people pleaser.
Having done a lot of work on myself and knowing the damage that can be done I am now starting to embody a new me. Shaking off old habits and creating healthier ones.
I am becoming a writer, writing about this very thing. The shift from Exhausted Caretaker to Empowered Caretaker. Having boundaries and more fun, freedom and flow. More child-like qualities of curiosity and creativity.
I just have to remember, apply what I know and want but most of all now embody the essence of who I want to be.
Writing this memoir has given me more insight into myself than counseling although I'm doing plenty of trauma work with Internal Family Systems. I think the hardest will be to be seen and heard when it's finished and out there. But I was built for this it seems.
And after you rewrite it 9000 times it becomes less personal somehow and more of an artifact at least I found that with Why another and the personal stories.
Thanks to the Substack highlights team, I learn about Jennifer Louden today. Is it true that you started your newsletter It's Not Too Late in October 2023? Or did you write it somewhere else and move to Substack four months ago? Next, the identity headline got to me immediately. Creating the new story and the new identity is a heavy lift and necessary if the choice you are facing is life or death. When the love of your life dies and happens to also be your business partner, mentor, travel companion and muse, the question is not "How are you?" Instead, the question is "Who are you?" Who are you without him, without the corporations you built, without the daily conversations and creativity you fed off of each other? As Bruce Feiler explains in his book Life Is In The Transitions, when you experience a Lifequake, everything is wiped out and what you knew, and your choice is to write the new story of your life, your next identity, and live or ...get stuck and die.
Oh Georgia, I am so sorry your love is gone. I found love later in life and treasure every moment with Bob. I am so glad you are here! I hope something I write is useful to you.
And I have been writing a newsletter since 1999! I just moved to Substack in October :).
It was later in life for both of us and maybe that's one reason every day was fun, unconditional for the other, and a story nobody would believe, but we lived it. We had only one argument in year one of the marriage and got that resolved quickly. When you find each other and your are established as the CEO of your business, there was an issue with us trying to supervise the other. You didn't need each other to "make it" to the top and so why did either of us think the other needed supervision? Lots of identity changes followed as we grew more, faster, and in ways off the charts with global impact, including the life of the planet with his wildlife habitat naturalists creations, communities, courses, and publishing.
I love this!
I recently learned about the idea of "identity retirement" when you want to move onto a different phase of your career as a creator or business owner.
This feels like the next step!
oh love that term. Where did you learn that
I heard it from the amazing Lacy Boggs (https://lacyboggs.com/) - who saw it on social media... so I don't know the official originator. :)
👊🏼👏🏻
I *adore* this phrase. As someone who's young adult children will be moving on soon as my husband retires in a few years, this is definitely something I want to think about.
It’s never too late!
Which is what I need to remember!
we all do. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with courage, desire, being true to the whole of ourselves.
I need that on a sign - courage desire and bring true to the whole of myself!
:)
Thank you for this beautiful article, and the invitation to share a story. For me, my most dramatic identity shift was a full reclamation of motherhood. My husband and I lost our first (and at the time, only) daughter when she was about two years old. It was a long and difficult road, but we eventually had two more daughters -- each a unique miracle unto themselves. After my youngest survived a cardiac arrest when she was two, and she was subsequently diagnosed with an impossibly rare genetic condition, we finally had an answer as to what happened to our first daughter. And for some reason, being able to lay that mystery to rest was what it took for me to change my identity from "I am a mother who lost a child" to "I am the mother of THREE daughters."
Jessica what a heart filling amazing story. I am so full reading this and thinking about you and how this information expanded your story. It gives me so much to think about - how facts can liberate, and more. I hope your family is healthy.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you, Jen, for writing this article. It resonated with me and reminded me of a conversation I had with a former chaplain colleague. I miss the work I did as a hospital clergy member, supporting patients, families, and staff. However, my colleague reminded me that it's okay to take some time for myself and not have a specific purpose every day.
When I moved to northern Portugal and started writing The Perennial Immigrant in late 2022, I wanted to document my journey of leaving my old life in the US behind. As I started writing, I realized that sharing my experiences with others helped me re-create a new identity. I'm surprised and grateful to have subscribers who read my posts regularly.
Since retiring, I've been able to engage in tasks that I used to outsource in my old life, such as cleaning and organizing. It's been refreshing to take my time and do things on my schedule. I'm also interested in learning more about slow living and minimalism. Finding my purpose will take time, but I'm patient and waiting for that moment when it all clicks.
I hear a clue of creating and sharing as a way to shift your identity. Do you? Big hugs!
There is so much inspiration here for writing, creating, and learning. Upon reflection, I can see that the course of my life has been greatly affected by the deep disconnect between my personal (internal?) and external identities. I often felt I had to choose between being who I am and being accepted by others. My father (who likely experienced this disconnect too) told me that if I wanted to play in someone else's playpen, I had to play by their rules, and instead of resisting that urge, as he did, I became really good at determining and conforming with others' rules. I hid what I liked to do and what I was good at (pretending, wondering, creating), and instead worked hard to do what I thought strong, independent, cool girls did in the 1970s, a kind of schizophrenic combination of Little League and Barbies. No one should find out that at home I was reading George Will and Isaac Asimov and waiting patiently for another trip to a museum or the relatives' farms.
I hid my oddities so well that eventually they atrophied and rarely bothered me anymore. I ignored the recruitment letters of colleges that would have truly supported me, but at least I was able to realize that literature was a better fit for me than business. But then, dear reader, I married him, and over the next decade I became a wife, a divorcée (remember that term?), and a single schoolmarm. I was "old" at 30. Because I had squandered my chances to live out my dreams, I deserved my uncomfortable fate.
Though severe depression caused me to change careers, my identity as an irredeemable failure has remained intact. But I am hopeful. With exercise and persistence, most atrophied muscles can be strengthened. Why not atrophied identities? With regular practice -- reading, writing, drawing, experiencing nature -- I can reconnect my external life with my internal identity. By making conscious choices about the contents and course of my life (who, what, where, when) I can express that which I know to be true within me. It's not too late. And I'm thankful for your encouragement and companionship on the journey.
Oh Paula this post shines with t your faith and determination to not let this call go unheeded, to shuck off failure as your identity and take back up who you really are. I can’t wait to watch what you create!🥳🌟🫶🏽👊🏼
Oh, Paula, when you wrote "because I had squandered my chances to live out my dreams, I deserved my uncomfortable fate," I felt a stab right in the gut. I have spent the last 4½ years since my husband died trying to figure out who I truly am and what I truly desire. All of that was pushed deep into my subconscious while I "showed up" to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. I've also had to go through a lot of grief which has included depression and rage as I've done this work. And this work seems some of the hardest work I've ever done in my life. I'm certainly not there yet, but slowly I think I'm getting closer. I'm excited to finally meet the real me.
It's so heartening to know that no matter how hard our current personal work is, there is always someone out there sharing the experience. I won't say that "misery loves company," but at least we're not alone. I'm excited for you too.
Hey hey Paula! If you remember that song, you might think it describes your path, but that's really an aside because I'll tell you (and maybe Jen will recall from hearing my story at the April Taos retreat last year) that I have lived through similar events. Mine did not occur in the same order as yours but, with any luck and some effort, the results will be the same.
I married and became a mom at 35. By that time, I had let go of the idea that I would have either in my life and I was fine with that, although my family (mainly my semi-stereotypical Jewish mother) was not. Now, 30+ years after living a life similar to what happened to you 30 years ago (marriage, family, divorce AFTER 30 YEARS) I find myself essentially back at that same point in time.
Way back then, 30 or so years ago, I was OK with my single status. After the trajectory of my life from that point changed along with my status, my identity also changed, probably to the point where my now ex tried to shame me by telling me that he felt he was #5 behind our two children and my parents. He may have felt that way internally for a while but didn't come right out and start telling me that until close to the end. Looking back, I have come to think that could explain a lot of his behaviors well before then.
In any case, now that I am back mentally and emotionally to myself at 35 AND retired, I have regained the attitude but now also have the resources (time and money) to achieve what you've identified as your goals. They are mine, too.
I had a seismic shift at the end of last year. For over 2 decades my “identity” that I labeled myself with was “I’m not a good mum”. Now, what I had done was, I felt huge amounts of shame because I couldn’t keep the house tidy and clean (spoiler alert, I got diagnosed with ADHD recently, so it was an uphill battle from the start). Not being a good mum was something I never said, except, I guess it kind of leaked out as the kids got older. Then one day, it clicked when my 20 year old daughter said, “mum, you saying your not a good mum, is like obaachan (my mum) saying she’s a bad cook - it’s crazy”. This narrative that I was always falling short because so so entrenched in me, that it was creating a warped reality. One day, I asked myself, “what does it mean to be a good mum”, the answer was “love your kids”. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that I loved our kids. So therefore, I was a good mum. It’s so hard to throw off the identities (real or imagined) after so many years. Wishing everyone the best of luck in their shifts!!! Thank you for this though provoking piece. Xx
Oh what a poignant truth! Oh my yes how often have I said I’m not good at something or not reaching a standard. My husband calls me out in this all the time. Thank you Mika!
I have been taking voice lessons for a couple of years now and singing with my husband while he plays piano (he is a real musician—has a degree in it, has great ears, very good relative pitch, knows music theory, can read music, etc.) I never call myself a musician or even a singer, because I am so aware of my faults and deficiencies in singing. But he makes a point of calling me a musician. It’s an identity I need to grow into.
Girl yes you do! I champion that!!
You are right Jen, to create lasting and meaningful change usually requires we become someone different. Sometimes this means we have to get clear on who we no longer want to be and questioning if our beliefs about our self our true.
Your belief about a prior injury making you unable to run is similar to what I hear at my job every day, I spend a lot of time encouraging patients to question this kind of thought.
Before I quit drinking alcohol I spent weeks questioning my thoughts about having a glass of wine until I finally could see that I was making it all up, I did not need a glass of wine to relax!
Love that Donna! I’m working on brain pain with a client and love how much it has helped my body.
Getting clear on who I no longer want to be is a valuable reflection prompt. Thank you!
Paula, you're welcome💕
Thank you, Jen, for this topic. Exactly the mentioned points are quite difficult... I'am a POET;) Getting it so clearly exemplified, make them seem somehow easier than before (when there were just these little voices in the backround of my mind, chest and belly).
One thing, on the practical side, always helps me. To see and feel that change is happening and wanted, I change things on the outside. I give away clothes which represent the old identity. I give books away... And I always change the looks of my flat. Of course not buying new stuff, but desks, tables and a lot of other things are rearranged. Without spending a cent you can let go material representatives of the identityparts who may go and make room for growing. It is much more effective than vision boards. Best news: in puberty we all learned how to develop an identity. So we can do it again. Back than, a new haircut did help, too ...
Martina LOVE the idea of giving away what no longer fits the new identity. Rearranging what is left. Powerful!!
Oh, the idea of giving away material things, "parts of me" that I no longer need, really resonates. Especially when combined with reflecting on who I no longer want to be. Thank you!
(And the insight that part of navigating puberty is creating/growing into a new identity is also very rich for me -- I was bitter about "having to" give up parts of myself, but now I am realizing that I was able to protect those parts of me for years and now is the time for them to resurface. Again, thanks.)
I love this article. Thank you. I wanted to write my story so much that I gave myself permission to be the worst in the program for years. I didn't know how to write a memoir and in fact, had a writing phobia when I first got my PR job at a hospital in Oregon where I had to write in 1987. But taking your retreat was one of the best things I did maybe a decade ago. Anyone considering your writing retreats needs to remember, it's the people you surround yourself with that will make you a better writer plus finding a mentor. I absolutely loved my time with you at the Taos Writers Retreat. I hope to have my memoir manuscript finished this year.
That’s awesome! Memoir is the hardest to write. That’s a huge accomplishment!!
I love this post/ these comments. My whole Substack is really about finding my way in a new identity having left the judiciary, a job that has very particular identity markers attached. One thing I struggled with was finding my new identity as a coach and creator too easy. It didn’t seem deserved and at the same time felt flimsy and ‘not real work’ because it was not pushing me to the limit as law always did. I felt I’d stoped bring a Judge only to be one a lazy dilettante! It was my coaching supervisor who really helped me shift that view. He came from engineering and explained that in that field work is a physics term meaning the moving of an object and good engineers aims to make work as easy as possible ie with as little friction as possible. ( Think a train moving easily along rails unhindered by bumps or snow or leaves). It really helped me be able to fully claim that new identity and in so doing let go of the overwork syndrome.
Oh that’s such a great story. Can it be easy and still be worthwhile? Well yes it can!!! ❤️🤸👊🏼
"Too easy" follows me around too. Good to remember that easy does not mean lazy, and that work does not need to be hard in order to be good or useful or meaningful.
My "story" isn't so much about identity in a particular area, but in a general "how I see myself" kind of paradigm shift. After my divorce (30+ years ago) I was definitely lost and didn't trust myself with even the smallest of decisions. I was following advice from whoever offered it, often with less than positive outcomes. One day I was listening to the radio and Rush's song "Free Will" was playing. There is a line that states, "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice". That line smacked me right upside my head and I realized that I needed to be proactive in my life, rather than letting others choose for me. Game changer.
What a great story! I sometimes say “choosing is your art” but Rush said it better. Thank you for your story. 🌟
The reminder to “pick yourself”? 🔥🔥🔥 LOVED this.
Have to constantly remind myself to keep doing it!
I have been the caretaker, mediator, peacekeeper, nurse, mother in my family. Sensible. Reliable. Dependable. An over giver and people pleaser.
Having done a lot of work on myself and knowing the damage that can be done I am now starting to embody a new me. Shaking off old habits and creating healthier ones.
I am becoming a writer, writing about this very thing. The shift from Exhausted Caretaker to Empowered Caretaker. Having boundaries and more fun, freedom and flow. More child-like qualities of curiosity and creativity.
I just have to remember, apply what I know and want but most of all now embody the essence of who I want to be.
That’s beautiful Karen. Here’s to our practice of becoming!
Writing this memoir has given me more insight into myself than counseling although I'm doing plenty of trauma work with Internal Family Systems. I think the hardest will be to be seen and heard when it's finished and out there. But I was built for this it seems.
And after you rewrite it 9000 times it becomes less personal somehow and more of an artifact at least I found that with Why another and the personal stories.
Thanks to the Substack highlights team, I learn about Jennifer Louden today. Is it true that you started your newsletter It's Not Too Late in October 2023? Or did you write it somewhere else and move to Substack four months ago? Next, the identity headline got to me immediately. Creating the new story and the new identity is a heavy lift and necessary if the choice you are facing is life or death. When the love of your life dies and happens to also be your business partner, mentor, travel companion and muse, the question is not "How are you?" Instead, the question is "Who are you?" Who are you without him, without the corporations you built, without the daily conversations and creativity you fed off of each other? As Bruce Feiler explains in his book Life Is In The Transitions, when you experience a Lifequake, everything is wiped out and what you knew, and your choice is to write the new story of your life, your next identity, and live or ...get stuck and die.
Oh Georgia, I am so sorry your love is gone. I found love later in life and treasure every moment with Bob. I am so glad you are here! I hope something I write is useful to you.
And I have been writing a newsletter since 1999! I just moved to Substack in October :).
It was later in life for both of us and maybe that's one reason every day was fun, unconditional for the other, and a story nobody would believe, but we lived it. We had only one argument in year one of the marriage and got that resolved quickly. When you find each other and your are established as the CEO of your business, there was an issue with us trying to supervise the other. You didn't need each other to "make it" to the top and so why did either of us think the other needed supervision? Lots of identity changes followed as we grew more, faster, and in ways off the charts with global impact, including the life of the planet with his wildlife habitat naturalists creations, communities, courses, and publishing.
Dear Jennifer,
Your writing is rich.
Thank you for generously sharing.
With gratitude,
Thank you so much!! I appreciate hearing that. 🫶🏽