This is exactly what I needed today as I struggle with writing a memoir. It would be so easy to say "fuck it, I'm 66, it's too late" when I hit a snag, or "holy hell, I'm never going to finish", when I once again realize I need to pivot. But I have found, every time, that doing breeds confidence so I keep going. I think working on the creative friends thing is next. Thanks for all of your inspiration (been reading you for years and years).
Thank you for commenting Christine! I appreciate is so much. Creative friends are so important and it's my very proudest legacy, that my retreats and writing groups over the years have created long lasting friendships between women writers. I want that for you too!
“Abiding faith does not depend on borrowed concepts. Rather, it is the magnetic force of a bone-deep, lived understanding, one that draws us to realize our ideals, walk our talk, and act in accord with what we know to be true.”
I love this quote about faith. As a 100% lapsed Catholic, I have an interesting relationship with faith. (I write about it often.) I like the idea that what drives me as a writer is faith in the craft as a way to live a life.
Ooh defiance! Thats such a good one. There's a strong connection for me between confidence and perfectionism. "Well, OF COURSE I can feel confident... WHEN I finally have the perfect idea, WHEN I can articulate that idea perfectly, WHEN I know everyone else absolutely adores my idea..." I think confidence is most easily found in the ever-elusive present moment. When we're not future-casting nor past-looping... Just right here, thinking, "I'm in the perfect place on my journey. Right now."
A writer I know once told us that his time working as a journalist for a newspaper had forever cured him of perfectionism and writer's block.
He said that when an editor wanted 1500 words before 4PM, his brain found ways around any writer's block.
I wondered about that. Perhaps his writing was more ‘reportage’ than 'creative'.
However, I understand it from the perspective of: professional writers may have a bit of an edge in this because they have had the experience of having to keep at it no matter the fear or the uncertainty. And eventually emerging on the side that enjoys it, flows in it.
Yup, mostly wellness influencers. As a (senior) person with adhd (recently figured out) trying to do "all the things" to line up my perfect days has been failure after failure. But once in a while I will be seized with creative focus and it's great. But very random.
Dear Jen, this pushed the button so hard that I avoided reading the whole post until 3 hours ago. Since I declared that I am a poet, I hardly read and write anything. And as I am not making a livinig of it, I am "only" accountable to myself. Sometimes I think I am a becoming junkie: I have done so many things in life, learning, practicing them for years until I "mastered" them. And then I got uninterested and just stopped doing them. One after one. The world is so rich...
But writing is different. It is the first time it hurts, when the well seems to have run dry. Writing is not only becoming, it is a way of being in the world. And I do not want to stop being in the world like this. I do not want another project. ... this starts to sound like a proposal 😅
Thank for your inspiration and talking about the difficult stuff - out loud. It helps so much. I will go out, trying to catch some raindrops, and see what the swimming pool has to say about it. 🤗
Martina first of all you are not alone. Many of people experience this sort of oh shit I can't when they realize how tenderly their heart needs to do something, be IN something. I wonder if letting yourself want writing and poetry and feeling how much writing and poetry want you might help? Also sneaking up on it - maybe magnetic poetry on your kitchen table? or randomly opening a book of poetry, grabbing 5 words and then write anything using those words. No one can make you stop being in the world as a poet. Nobody. I once thought seriously about writing a book How to Be A Poem - you are being that book by the way you catch raindrops and swim in the pool. Enjoy your return to writing, invite it, seduce it, laugh with it. It's already in you!
Thank you and bless you. I never ever thought poetry would want me... it took some minutes to sink in. Yeah, I choose to be already chosen. It did seduce me in the first place. And I will try all your beautiful suggestions. And I LOVE your book idea of How to be a poem. Please do write something about, it needn't be a whole book. Until then I put the poetry books back in the kitchen table from where I banned them.... may you be at least as happy, hopeful and grateful as I feel right now🌻
I jumped back into writing about a year ago after a long pause. Lots of reasons. My confidence was rock bottom. But I’ve been returning to it everyday. And something started to shift and it’s fun. So much fun! Ok so my poem today sounds like I’m not a happy bunny but I am, I was writing that to celebrate the new happy bunniness of me (my other poems and writings are the proof!) Confidence shifts instant by instant. This writing obsession is so organic, how can it not shift all the time? Ooh dear , am I beginning to sound weird now? I’m just excited to have found my way back to the joy of writing. Oh, and I often light a candle! No mushroom beverage, although I may buy some bamboo coffee ! Thanks for this xx
It’s actually called Bambu, by A. Vogel. It’s lighter made with green coffee and fruit I think. It’s nice and lighter and doesn’t give you the jitters!
Perfect! The only detail I would quibble with is that there actually is one person who has a swimming pool of confidence, a certain candidate for president of the United States. Unfortunately.
hahahahah! Of course! Sociopathic morbid narcissists have so many of those pools. Endless! The best pools of confidence ever invented. The best confidence ever, the freshest! Gold solid gold confidence.
This is exactly what I needed today as I struggle with writing a memoir. It would be so easy to say "fuck it, I'm 66, it's too late" when I hit a snag, or "holy hell, I'm never going to finish", when I once again realize I need to pivot. But I have found, every time, that doing breeds confidence so I keep going. I think working on the creative friends thing is next. Thanks for all of your inspiration (been reading you for years and years).
Thank you for commenting Christine! I appreciate is so much. Creative friends are so important and it's my very proudest legacy, that my retreats and writing groups over the years have created long lasting friendships between women writers. I want that for you too!
“Abiding faith does not depend on borrowed concepts. Rather, it is the magnetic force of a bone-deep, lived understanding, one that draws us to realize our ideals, walk our talk, and act in accord with what we know to be true.”
I love this quote about faith. As a 100% lapsed Catholic, I have an interesting relationship with faith. (I write about it often.) I like the idea that what drives me as a writer is faith in the craft as a way to live a life.
i love that book, and her thoughts about faith as trust in our deepest experiences -- and that certainly includes writing.
Ooh defiance! Thats such a good one. There's a strong connection for me between confidence and perfectionism. "Well, OF COURSE I can feel confident... WHEN I finally have the perfect idea, WHEN I can articulate that idea perfectly, WHEN I know everyone else absolutely adores my idea..." I think confidence is most easily found in the ever-elusive present moment. When we're not future-casting nor past-looping... Just right here, thinking, "I'm in the perfect place on my journey. Right now."
A writer I know once told us that his time working as a journalist for a newspaper had forever cured him of perfectionism and writer's block.
He said that when an editor wanted 1500 words before 4PM, his brain found ways around any writer's block.
I wondered about that. Perhaps his writing was more ‘reportage’ than 'creative'.
However, I understand it from the perspective of: professional writers may have a bit of an edge in this because they have had the experience of having to keep at it no matter the fear or the uncertainty. And eventually emerging on the side that enjoys it, flows in it.
Thanks for the encouragement.
thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for this — I can’t be reminded often enough.
thanks for your help!
“We’re all afraid when doing what matters to us.” What a beautiful, comforting post today, Jen. Thank you!
thank you for reading!
I like the needle scratch... lol. And *mushroom beverage*. Thanks for the reminders.
i haven't had a turntable in eons but... and don't you see those ads all the time for the magic beverages that will make your entire day PERFECT :).
Yup, mostly wellness influencers. As a (senior) person with adhd (recently figured out) trying to do "all the things" to line up my perfect days has been failure after failure. But once in a while I will be seized with creative focus and it's great. But very random.
and when it happens, feels so good!
Yes! Hyper focus is awesome when directed to the right stuff!
Dear Jen, this pushed the button so hard that I avoided reading the whole post until 3 hours ago. Since I declared that I am a poet, I hardly read and write anything. And as I am not making a livinig of it, I am "only" accountable to myself. Sometimes I think I am a becoming junkie: I have done so many things in life, learning, practicing them for years until I "mastered" them. And then I got uninterested and just stopped doing them. One after one. The world is so rich...
But writing is different. It is the first time it hurts, when the well seems to have run dry. Writing is not only becoming, it is a way of being in the world. And I do not want to stop being in the world like this. I do not want another project. ... this starts to sound like a proposal 😅
Thank for your inspiration and talking about the difficult stuff - out loud. It helps so much. I will go out, trying to catch some raindrops, and see what the swimming pool has to say about it. 🤗
Martina first of all you are not alone. Many of people experience this sort of oh shit I can't when they realize how tenderly their heart needs to do something, be IN something. I wonder if letting yourself want writing and poetry and feeling how much writing and poetry want you might help? Also sneaking up on it - maybe magnetic poetry on your kitchen table? or randomly opening a book of poetry, grabbing 5 words and then write anything using those words. No one can make you stop being in the world as a poet. Nobody. I once thought seriously about writing a book How to Be A Poem - you are being that book by the way you catch raindrops and swim in the pool. Enjoy your return to writing, invite it, seduce it, laugh with it. It's already in you!
Thank you and bless you. I never ever thought poetry would want me... it took some minutes to sink in. Yeah, I choose to be already chosen. It did seduce me in the first place. And I will try all your beautiful suggestions. And I LOVE your book idea of How to be a poem. Please do write something about, it needn't be a whole book. Until then I put the poetry books back in the kitchen table from where I banned them.... may you be at least as happy, hopeful and grateful as I feel right now🌻
Hugs and more hugs!
I jumped back into writing about a year ago after a long pause. Lots of reasons. My confidence was rock bottom. But I’ve been returning to it everyday. And something started to shift and it’s fun. So much fun! Ok so my poem today sounds like I’m not a happy bunny but I am, I was writing that to celebrate the new happy bunniness of me (my other poems and writings are the proof!) Confidence shifts instant by instant. This writing obsession is so organic, how can it not shift all the time? Ooh dear , am I beginning to sound weird now? I’m just excited to have found my way back to the joy of writing. Oh, and I often light a candle! No mushroom beverage, although I may buy some bamboo coffee ! Thanks for this xx
you sound right on! it does shift! it's a living thing, a relationship. and what is bamboo coffee?
It’s actually called Bambu, by A. Vogel. It’s lighter made with green coffee and fruit I think. It’s nice and lighter and doesn’t give you the jitters!
This is the Jennifer I’ve been looking for! I can always use a reminder when it comes to confidence. This resonates more with me so much!
Brenda I'm glad this resonated with you.
Curious and defiant! I love that 😍
Perfect! The only detail I would quibble with is that there actually is one person who has a swimming pool of confidence, a certain candidate for president of the United States. Unfortunately.
hahahahah! Of course! Sociopathic morbid narcissists have so many of those pools. Endless! The best pools of confidence ever invented. The best confidence ever, the freshest! Gold solid gold confidence.
🤣