Jennifer...I so agree. Some things I've tried (and abandoned some): Helping start a company that offered different sizes of bikini tops and bottoms in the same fabric, making curtains for VW vans and selling them to dealerships, making prom dresses out of antique fabrics, making stained glass sun catchers for sale, having an herb farm business, going back to college and becoming a psychotherapist at 59 (I still see clients), becoming an artist, and now, after two years of courses in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, becoming a pattern designer and selling fabric on Spoonflower. I'm also writing two Substacks. I'm 72. My plan is to try new things until I take my last breath. "It is never too late to become what you might have been." ~ George Eliot.
And there's this from another Eliot: We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
System wouldn't let me add to what I copied above, so let me merely add - aren't our journeys about homecomings of a sort, be they writing debut novels (like me) or exploring new vistas?
It's yours! What's cool about it is that George was a woman whose real name was Mary Ann Evans. She went by George so they would publish her...back in the day.
Thanks for this post! It reminds me of my own recent processing. Around the end of last year, I journaled that I would either bloom or wilt. I acknowledged that a part of me would die if I did not continue to bring what wants to be expressed in me into the light.
I have a personal essay getting published in Tiny Buddha in about a week, the largest publication in which I've had a piece published. So here's to choosing to bloom!
An important reminder as we age. It's funny because young people feel it too, as if they were supposed to have done more with their life by then. I remember feeling this way and now that I'm on the other side, I feel much more relaxed. Isn't that ironic?
Funny you should ask this today... for tomorrow evening begins our much-anticipated adventure north to Vermont for a week, where we will feel things out and possibly make plans to move up there. We almost did this when the kids were quite small.... we made it as far as the airport, where my honey had an intense anxiety attack in the parking lot, after having been quite ill since bringing our adopted son home from Guatemala. It's now been 18 or 19 years, and we're doing it. We are different people now, and we are both so very beyond excited, and yes, nervous! It's such a full circle trip, this one, including a visit to the farm I grew up on. I'll be doing lots of note-taking/writing as we explore... as part of the memoir I'm working on about HOME. :)
Thank you for this shift in perspective. Implicit here is the notion of acceptance. That word sounds so simple, but living it is anything but. My mom is in her mid-80s, with many health problems and unaddressed items on her bucket list. She spends all her time focused on her regrets. There is real grief there that deserves to be honored, but she clutches it, refusing to turn toward what could be ahead. I don’t judge or blame her, I just wish she could see what I see. And I’m trying to learn from this myself.
so true. Acceptance is such a powerful practice, really the basis for everything. My favorite meditation is the phrase "This, too" from Tara Brach. Love to you and your mom!
I so feel this: "There are many days I want to flee from this yet-to-be-lived life. But if I do, I know I will die a little bit inside.".... I keep asking 'when will it get easier?' as I work on my equivalent to your novel (a memoir about finding my way to the glittering sisterhood of burlesque, from banking) but I'm not sure it will ever get easier, and I'm not sure it's supposed to. Plus I can't and don't want to stop. But as if that wasn't enough, I can't resist trying other things alongside the book project. Experiences and experiments that call to my soul...When I was feeling brave in January, I signed up for a piano and composition summer school - so I can be a music student again, for just five days. But now I am terrified, and want my money back! I'll get over it (eventually) and go but the sensible part of me (that was good at banking) deeply disapproves :) Thank you for this post and for naming these tensions so beautifully. I feel seen.
Claire sisters in terror! Also you know how many people come to my writing retreats and say at the end "I almost canceled so many times and I'm so glad I didn't". A lot! Go and be terrified. You can do this, but of course you know that.
One section of your Women’s Retreat Book that I regularly returned to was taking time to make a decision. In my lived life I’ve made difficult decisions after time in reflection, so this post is especially potent as I am making another decision. I am really lucky that my finances and my personal situation allow me to choose where others might see a brick wall with no access. This decision is less life changing but I’ve been accused of being impulsive. The thing is at 63 almost 64, new experiences are more dear than ever.
I love this perspective of different lives lived and to be lived. I think it sums up the true richness of life. And it gives stability, because failure or ending of one thing does not leave you with nothing.
Right now I don't have the "big thing" to pursue, so there is time for nerdy little stuff I wanted to do for decades. I'm on a 337 day streak on Duolingo for Irish (which I have absolutely no use for, just love it). And I read Shakespeare's sonnets with the Commentary of Don Paterson in my right hand and Helen Vendler's in my left (and the Smartphone with the dictionary in between;) ... having no special goal can be a nice live, too. Not forever, that would be boring, but for a while just studying...😍
SO darn TRUE! I love not having a goal for everything! I recently started doing that with my running and it's the best! Also Irish: so gorgeous and so hard!
Fantastic, running for the beauty of it! Just as we did, when we were children 😀
Yeah, Irish is crazy. So many vowels... but with this App, it is not so hard. I enjoy the intuitiv learning (though in the beginning I was missing the rules.... and that is really crazy ;)
This really hit home for me. I actually forwarded it to my husband. I said, "I'm sharing this because, damn, did she nail how I am feeling. Just wanted you to know this is what's going on in my brain." So, thank you for putting into words everything I've been wrestling with.
I have been trying to write a novel since 2005. 2006, my world shattered and the words and ideas, the muse stopped speaking. I've struggled with it since, but I can't let this dream go. Even if it's never published, I need to write a story or the story just for me.
I'm in the process now of figuring out which other dreams I still want to pursue, which ones I need to let go of, and if there are new ones I can or want to chase.
I'm trying to rebuild my life how I want it, not how others think it should be. Figure out who I am and not try to squeeze myself into the boxes that others think that I belong in. I realized not too long ago, I was trying to rebuild parts of it with things that I lost. I've been chasing ghosts and it's not working.
Jennifer...I so agree. Some things I've tried (and abandoned some): Helping start a company that offered different sizes of bikini tops and bottoms in the same fabric, making curtains for VW vans and selling them to dealerships, making prom dresses out of antique fabrics, making stained glass sun catchers for sale, having an herb farm business, going back to college and becoming a psychotherapist at 59 (I still see clients), becoming an artist, and now, after two years of courses in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, becoming a pattern designer and selling fabric on Spoonflower. I'm also writing two Substacks. I'm 72. My plan is to try new things until I take my last breath. "It is never too late to become what you might have been." ~ George Eliot.
Linda you are amazing! that is so awesome! I love your spirit of discovery!
Thank you Jennifer. It can get me into trouble some times. LOL
me too!
Stealing the George Eliot quote!
And there's this from another Eliot: We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
System wouldn't let me add to what I copied above, so let me merely add - aren't our journeys about homecomings of a sort, be they writing debut novels (like me) or exploring new vistas?
yes perfectly said!!! happy writing!
It's yours! What's cool about it is that George was a woman whose real name was Mary Ann Evans. She went by George so they would publish her...back in the day.
Way back in college I was a research assistant to a prof writing a book about Eliot/Evans. Full circle.
Thanks for this post! It reminds me of my own recent processing. Around the end of last year, I journaled that I would either bloom or wilt. I acknowledged that a part of me would die if I did not continue to bring what wants to be expressed in me into the light.
I have a personal essay getting published in Tiny Buddha in about a week, the largest publication in which I've had a piece published. So here's to choosing to bloom!
Blooming indeed!! That’s awesome!
An important reminder as we age. It's funny because young people feel it too, as if they were supposed to have done more with their life by then. I remember feeling this way and now that I'm on the other side, I feel much more relaxed. Isn't that ironic?
Maybe it’s our culture and our extreme individuality? Or capitalism driving is to excel to survive?? But it’s nice to let it ease away! ❤️
Funny you should ask this today... for tomorrow evening begins our much-anticipated adventure north to Vermont for a week, where we will feel things out and possibly make plans to move up there. We almost did this when the kids were quite small.... we made it as far as the airport, where my honey had an intense anxiety attack in the parking lot, after having been quite ill since bringing our adopted son home from Guatemala. It's now been 18 or 19 years, and we're doing it. We are different people now, and we are both so very beyond excited, and yes, nervous! It's such a full circle trip, this one, including a visit to the farm I grew up on. I'll be doing lots of note-taking/writing as we explore... as part of the memoir I'm working on about HOME. :)
Home beckons! how exciting Lisa!! Wishing you a perfectly wonderful trip.
Going through a massive period of change right now, this is perfection. And a bit of kismet. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for reading!!
Thank you for this shift in perspective. Implicit here is the notion of acceptance. That word sounds so simple, but living it is anything but. My mom is in her mid-80s, with many health problems and unaddressed items on her bucket list. She spends all her time focused on her regrets. There is real grief there that deserves to be honored, but she clutches it, refusing to turn toward what could be ahead. I don’t judge or blame her, I just wish she could see what I see. And I’m trying to learn from this myself.
so true. Acceptance is such a powerful practice, really the basis for everything. My favorite meditation is the phrase "This, too" from Tara Brach. Love to you and your mom!
I so feel this: "There are many days I want to flee from this yet-to-be-lived life. But if I do, I know I will die a little bit inside.".... I keep asking 'when will it get easier?' as I work on my equivalent to your novel (a memoir about finding my way to the glittering sisterhood of burlesque, from banking) but I'm not sure it will ever get easier, and I'm not sure it's supposed to. Plus I can't and don't want to stop. But as if that wasn't enough, I can't resist trying other things alongside the book project. Experiences and experiments that call to my soul...When I was feeling brave in January, I signed up for a piano and composition summer school - so I can be a music student again, for just five days. But now I am terrified, and want my money back! I'll get over it (eventually) and go but the sensible part of me (that was good at banking) deeply disapproves :) Thank you for this post and for naming these tensions so beautifully. I feel seen.
Claire sisters in terror! Also you know how many people come to my writing retreats and say at the end "I almost canceled so many times and I'm so glad I didn't". A lot! Go and be terrified. You can do this, but of course you know that.
One section of your Women’s Retreat Book that I regularly returned to was taking time to make a decision. In my lived life I’ve made difficult decisions after time in reflection, so this post is especially potent as I am making another decision. I am really lucky that my finances and my personal situation allow me to choose where others might see a brick wall with no access. This decision is less life changing but I’ve been accused of being impulsive. The thing is at 63 almost 64, new experiences are more dear than ever.
I'm so glad that book continues to be useful! I hope the decision making feels graceful and leads you to more life! :)
I love this perspective of different lives lived and to be lived. I think it sums up the true richness of life. And it gives stability, because failure or ending of one thing does not leave you with nothing.
Right now I don't have the "big thing" to pursue, so there is time for nerdy little stuff I wanted to do for decades. I'm on a 337 day streak on Duolingo for Irish (which I have absolutely no use for, just love it). And I read Shakespeare's sonnets with the Commentary of Don Paterson in my right hand and Helen Vendler's in my left (and the Smartphone with the dictionary in between;) ... having no special goal can be a nice live, too. Not forever, that would be boring, but for a while just studying...😍
SO darn TRUE! I love not having a goal for everything! I recently started doing that with my running and it's the best! Also Irish: so gorgeous and so hard!
Fantastic, running for the beauty of it! Just as we did, when we were children 😀
Yeah, Irish is crazy. So many vowels... but with this App, it is not so hard. I enjoy the intuitiv learning (though in the beginning I was missing the rules.... and that is really crazy ;)
Thank you for this! It’s exactly what I needed to hear today. I appreciate you so much. ❤️
I appreciate you for reading my work!!!
This is wonderful - thank you! I needed to read this today.
🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
This really hit home for me. I actually forwarded it to my husband. I said, "I'm sharing this because, damn, did she nail how I am feeling. Just wanted you to know this is what's going on in my brain." So, thank you for putting into words everything I've been wrestling with.
I’m so grateful it helped. I’d love to hear what happens next!!
I just wanted to say this really resonates.
I have been trying to write a novel since 2005. 2006, my world shattered and the words and ideas, the muse stopped speaking. I've struggled with it since, but I can't let this dream go. Even if it's never published, I need to write a story or the story just for me.
I'm in the process now of figuring out which other dreams I still want to pursue, which ones I need to let go of, and if there are new ones I can or want to chase.
I'm trying to rebuild my life how I want it, not how others think it should be. Figure out who I am and not try to squeeze myself into the boxes that others think that I belong in. I realized not too long ago, I was trying to rebuild parts of it with things that I lost. I've been chasing ghosts and it's not working.
Thanks for writing a really great post!