7 Unconventional Ideas For How to Keep Going with Your Dream

when all the habit books and Nike slogans aren't working

Last week I wrote a post about how after we start on a dream or project, it’s super common to slip back into what’s familiar or to slowly grind to a halt.

If you didn’t read that post here it is:

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Which of course got me thinking about how do we keep going? I’m not going to quote James Clear to you or talk about intrinsic motivation or chunking down your tasks, not because those ideas are bad but because you probably wouldn’t be reading this if they were working for you.

This is for those of us who get lost in the murky depths of what we want, who get confused and dive down instead of up.

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #1

Stop reading.

And go do the thing you want to do. Right now. Wouldn’t that be more fun?

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #2

Do less.

I have a very full writing coaching practice right now and I don’t have much time to write except on the weekends. But when I do have time, I raise the stakes and fantasize I will write for 8 hours without a pee break.

I’ve never been able to write for more than 4 hours in a day unless I’m revising. Even when all I did was write books.

Are you expecting yourself to perform at an impossibly high standard day after day? To be someone other than you are? Might that be a reason to avoid taking action on what you want?

Or are you being vague about how much you do and when? When I have a weekend to write, it’s cruel to say I’ll “write all weekend” because it’s impossible and so I feel like a failure the entire weekend. But if I make a realistic lower-the-bar plan like “Write for two hours, using my timer, on Saturday and three hours on Sunday” suddenly I can declare, “I did enough.”

If you own a copy of Why Bother? re-read Conditions of Enoughness and use those! They work even if I forget to use them all the time.

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #3

Do more.

Declare a period of time, a day, a week, even a month, and pour all you’ve got into your project. Cancel as much as you can of your regular life. Ask for an outrageous amount of support from friends, family, and mentors. Eat, sleep, and breathe your thing.

And plan a good long rest afterward.

I did this when writing Why Bother? - I rented a cabin off the grid with no internet or cell, no people within sight, brought pre-made food, and wrote 14,000 words in 5 days.

If this appeals to you, come to one of my 2024 writing retreats where you can focus on yourself and your writing. As Marika said at my last retreat, “Everything I want is right here. I don’t have to think or plan or go anywhere. Need a delicious healthy meal? Right here. Yoga class? Right there? Writing coaching? Right here. Homemade cookie? Right here.”

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #4

Stop waiting.

I recently fell into an old way of thinking about my novel namely that it was worth writing because it’s going to be read by you — and hopefully loved by you. That I was going to get somewhere by writing this novel.

And where would that be Jen? The land of being finally cool and literary? I declared last week I no longer cared about that! Yet here it was creeping in again. So adorable.

Maybe what makes sticking with a dream or project difficult is when we think we are waiting for something but for what? Ask yourself:

• What am I waiting for?

• What will be different when Y project is done or I have decided to do ABC with my life? Name it clearly.

• What about that vision of “different” might draw me forward and what about it stops me from taking action?

• Why do I want that vision or result? For the sake of what?

What if you aren’t waiting for anything? What if what you want is here right now in act of doing, in the act of becoming?

Look, I love success and accolades as much as the next human. And I’ve had the soul-crushing experience of living for an end result and getting it and feeling empty. Cue a two-year depression.

What are you waiting for? Can you have it now?

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #5

Be patient while you build a new identity.

We return to the familiar (job, relationship, way of creating, taking care of everybody else, not tending to our own work) because it saves brain resources and feels safe. Your brain is not interested in feeling insecure or challenging who you think you are - the brain says “waste of glucose no thank you.” Which makes perfectly good evolutionary sense but can make for a disappointing and boxed-in life.

To stay with a desire, we must build a new identity. This takes far more time than we think it will. Are you allowing enough time to become the person who can embody this dream? I will bet you a hot chocolate chip cookie the answer is no.

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #6

“Is waiting selfish?”

My friend Mel asked me this in a comment.

It made me wonder, how do we define selfish? Who gets to decide if we are being selfish?

If we don’t know what matters to us and if we don’t know what our financial needs are, selfishness is just a cultural story that urges us to neglect our own desires.

I would NEVER suggest you put your head in the sand and risk everything for a dream. EVER! The people who do that are the ones who want to sell you something empty and extremely overpriced.

I’m going to make less money next year so I can finish my novel. This terrifies me. It brings up so many feelings of being naive and stupid and yes, selfish. I could easily keep my business going and write my novel more slowly but I’ve decided to honor the urgency I feel to get this book out into the world. But again: terrified.

It would be so tempting to put my head in the sand and hope everything works out. Instead, Bob and I are having regular conversations about how our lives will look next year in terms of what we spend and do - or rather, don’t do. I’m working with my business manager to cut biz expenses. I’ve made a list of how I will spend differently. I’ll keep looking at the numbers every month to make sure I make enough to cover our expenses.

If waiting means making less money or no money, then you have to plan for that. You have to have conversations with your significant people about what sacrifices you are agreeing to and for how long. But any general feeling of selfness is a cultural story that needs busting - again and again — and maybe your brain trotting it out as a way to save energy.

UNCONVENTIONAL IDEA #7

“Is the want even real?”

Another great question from Mel.

• When you do it, does it bring you alive, at least most of the time?

• Are you learning and growing from exploring it?

• Do you sometimes experience flow when doing it?

• Do you wake up thinking “I get to do X today” or “I want to try Y today?” and even though you might be afraid, you are also thrilled.

• Is it something you want to understand, dig into, that itches at you and won’t leave you alone?

• Is it something you would do even if the outside world never knows about it or cares?

• Do you feel energy when you do it or think about it, like your body can’t sit still?

Maybe part of why we don’t stick with a dream or explore a desire is it brings us face to face with “How much do I want this? How much am I willing to grow? Risk? We are required to move out of aspirational ideals and into real life.

And most of all —

We are called to be a stand for ourselves. For what brings us alive.

And to be seen by others doing so.

But if we keep doing stuff, trying stuff, and checking in with ourselves, while owning our desires, we will live in a way that feels alive and true.

And isn’t that all of our deepest desires? To live fully. To express ourselves wholeheartedly. To be here for it all.

That seems like the very best motivation for sticking with a dream or starting one that feels too late.

Love,

Jen

P.S. If writing or making progress on a project is your dream, I can wholeheartedly recommend my writing retreats. I combine 35 years of leading women’s retreats (I wrote the book) with 23 years of teaching writing. You will feel safe enough and rested enough to uncover your writing — all genres and levels welcome — and get more work done than you can imagine. Very few spots left for 2024 so plan now.