I often have felt what you describe. What has helped me lately is a quote from 12th Century Christian mystic, Julian of Norwich ( a woman), “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.” It becomes my mantra to remind me of just that, that all shall be well, maybe not immediately, but certainly in due time. It's a new thing for me and I'm hoping that the practice will make it better. Thanks for sharing your story.
There are so many different facets to fear. It can be a guidepost of what to walk away from or an anchor to lean into. Then, as you said Jen, there can be the simple monotony of showing up in go-mode that may not exactly be scary but is enough of a drag to slow us right down when we have to dive in after holidays.
It’s interesting you posted this today as I’m writing my next piece about our resistance any time we try to change something. At the root of resistance is fear which is often a clue in disguise!
Missed your comment Donna. Thank you! I find the theory of change that Kegan and Lahey propose useful - we aren’t afraid of change but of being undefended. Crucial difference. If we can feel safer as we change, through various means, we can move through learning and taking on new roles and behaviors with more ease.
Thank you Jennifer for your courage in addressing fear, here and in your heart. You inspire me!
Fear taps at my door often. Sometimes it talks me into believing its rogue story. What been helping me more recently is a commitment to not follow/believe any thought that’s negative. Just don’t go into the rabbit hole, if possible, at all. It’s doesn’t always work but sometimes, and recently more often, it does. I say to myself over and over some days, don’t follow this negativity. Sometimes fear feels like a siren, luring me, calling me to its familiar pattern. I’ve come to recognize that real courage isn’t about slaying the dragon it’s about facing the dragon, the fear, and learning to love it. This life is a precious mess, even the fear.
Don’t follow the negativity! We had a little solstice ritual with friends and so many of us stated an intention for the new year around being more positive and less judgmental. Me too!
I never fully realized why I feel so reluctant to get back into a work groove after a break because I love my work and I don't usually feel that reluctance before the break. I was already noticing this feeling yesterday, and you pinpointed it exactly!
Fear is linked to nervousness. When I feel fear and/or nerves, I tell myself what I sometimes told the runners I coached: It’s OK and normal, maybe even a good thing, because it means you care. Being scared means that what you’re doing—or trying to do—matters and is worth it. So, congratulations!
This was the perfect thing at the perfect time (love when that happens!). I'm moving back into leading in person retreats this year after a 4-year pandemic hiatus, and also starting up a lot of other programs after a year of sabbatical from holding space for others or teaching in any way. Taking the sabbatical was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but necessary after holding so much space during lockdowns and the first 2.5 years of the pandemic, and also because my body decided to stop working and throw major sciatica at me. And I have a book deadline that I am VERY behind on. And so the past couple weeks have been me getting back into it all after this year of sabbatical, planning the new retreats and programs and such. And just yesterday I was telling my sweetheart about the fear that's coming up around it for me. Will anyone care anymore? Will I be too exhausted or hurt? Will I ever finish this revision?
I come from a fearful family and have spent most of my adult life doing the opposite. :-) So it's been very interesting to see how much fear I have around these things I've done so often, and around the ways in which they are going to be new going forward. Thank you for reminding me that none of us are alone, and that all of us go through this. Really appreciated this newsletter!
I wish you a gentle restart and to write with ease. And yes, I bet taking a sabbatical was hard. I took a partial one 15 years ago - delivered on already committed work and teaching but didn't generate anything new - and it was great!
I love what you wrote. I relate so hard to feelings of fear around going back to work after a break. Like you, I allowed myself to take a big break in December, and I went back to work yesterday a bit fearful. The morning hours were tough, but by mid-morning I felt good, and even happy! I am proud of myself for not using unhealthy coping mechanisms and being brave.
Brach’s prayer is one of my favorites. Another favorite is the prayer to St. Francis of Assisi.
Jen I struggle to relate tithe word ‘fear’. What I experience feels like the foot of a baby elephant on my chest. I am immobilised. I don’t know that I’m afraid, sometimes I just think that I am very lazy! And that’s hard.
You can always use whatever word works! i think baby elephant on chest is very apt. I might get curious - is it laziness or a need for rest or self-protection from failure or? Hugs!
Thankyou Jen, it's so liberating when somebody just puts the truth out there. And puts into words and rational thought the underlying fears that nobody talks about, but that haunt us: "You still have to grapple against fear and all fear’s minions — self-doubt, boredom, inertia, procrastination, worry, comparing yourself to others, why bother — to carry on with your life." By surfacing the darker impulses, we regain our strength.
This captures exactly how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days, as I return to work after the holidays. Thanks for naming it and letting me know I’m not alone. I appreciate your strategies for addressing the fear, too. Heading to my writing desk now with a 30-minute timer. :) I’ve got this!
Your newsletter, as always, makes me feel less alone, especially since I’ve quietly vowed 2024 is the year to say yes to the things that scare me. To do/try them anyway. I guess another way of putting it is-this is my year to be brave because… what exactly am I waiting for? Permission? Okay, I’ve given that to myself.
Hmm! And there was I, thinking it was only me!!! Just kidding, well, sort of. I always think everyone else has it all figured out, and have done since I was a teenager (I'm now 62). I've decided to do Julia Cameron's Artist's Way again (I have all her books, and I love them) - properly this time (whatever that means, or will turn out to mean...but you get the idea). And lots of gentle exercise and meditation, and to just try to be kinder to myself. Yes, I do think that wading through everything with deep breaths and more kindness towards myself will help with fear. Besides, fear is so pointless... xx
One of the ways I defy my own fear --and the perfectionism that often underlies it -- is focusing on the people (readers, students, listeners, etc.) I'm hoping to help.
It's easier for me to get over myself and make an effort to do something I'm not quite ready to do (or create something I'm not quite ready to create) when I recall that said thing is very much needed by others.
Sometimes this requires me to go back and look at evidence of previous efforts that I felt iffy about but that landed really powerfully with my audience -- or made me super happy in the end.
Anyway, thank you for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Or at least probing this year for more information.
Thank you Jen, you naming it, made me looking at my own long list of fears for january... and looking is the first step. What helps me (after I realized it ;-) is something from yoga philosophy: the root of fear is not-knowing or lack of trust. And fear is the energy provided by the universe (no less) to gain knowledge or trust. From this point of view fear is empowering...
Oh, yes, selftrust, you are so right! We are cared for by our own wonderful bodys who produce the biochemistry we call fear. So self empowering it is. Beautiful!
What I appreciate so much about this newsletter, Jen, is that you name so many of the fears I (and I know many) have...the ones specific to what happens if I don't write this, do this, comment on this, post this...etc. I have been very intentionally slowing down since the holidays and into that first week of January which, hard to believe, has past. I have been posting less and with that comes the fears...how will people know what I have to offer? how will I survive? how will I support myself if I don't DO this and that and WORK HARD. The shift that is necessary is real and I agree, it's acknowledging versus ignoring or pretending the fears don't exist, that gives our internal world the breath and space it needs to make those shifts. Fears, yup. And with them, the gift of the power to choose to Trust, to Allow and to connect with other like heart & minded people on a similar authentic path. Thank you for your newsletter and the realness of it all. :)
thank you for this lovely wise comment Jenn. I so felt this fear today. Woke up with anxiety and was like agh nobody likes me! agh what will i write my substack about this week? agh my novel is getting too complicated. Thank you for connecting with me.
Well, I defied it, gave notice that I'm leaving my job in July, and we'll see how it goes! I got nothing but time, right? You guys really need to subscribe to @terimurrison before I lose my nerve and ask for the dang job back!
Seriously though, my actions didn't erase my fear. It just motivated me to make a go of things. Moved me from "wouldn't it be nice" to now I'd darn well better. It was all that talk of a not too late list and a ticking clock!
I’m so excited for you. I announced today this is my last full time year of coaching and leading three retreats. 2025 part time and only two retreats. With you in change!!
I'd say we're kindred spirits! Jennifer. I got your back (until the rent's due, of course, and you have mine). Lotsa love, girlfriend!!! Eeek! We're doing it!
I often have felt what you describe. What has helped me lately is a quote from 12th Century Christian mystic, Julian of Norwich ( a woman), “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.” It becomes my mantra to remind me of just that, that all shall be well, maybe not immediately, but certainly in due time. It's a new thing for me and I'm hoping that the practice will make it better. Thanks for sharing your story.
i love that quote! May it be true for you and me and all beings,
There are so many different facets to fear. It can be a guidepost of what to walk away from or an anchor to lean into. Then, as you said Jen, there can be the simple monotony of showing up in go-mode that may not exactly be scary but is enough of a drag to slow us right down when we have to dive in after holidays.
It’s interesting you posted this today as I’m writing my next piece about our resistance any time we try to change something. At the root of resistance is fear which is often a clue in disguise!
Missed your comment Donna. Thank you! I find the theory of change that Kegan and Lahey propose useful - we aren’t afraid of change but of being undefended. Crucial difference. If we can feel safer as we change, through various means, we can move through learning and taking on new roles and behaviors with more ease.
Thank you Jennifer for your courage in addressing fear, here and in your heart. You inspire me!
Fear taps at my door often. Sometimes it talks me into believing its rogue story. What been helping me more recently is a commitment to not follow/believe any thought that’s negative. Just don’t go into the rabbit hole, if possible, at all. It’s doesn’t always work but sometimes, and recently more often, it does. I say to myself over and over some days, don’t follow this negativity. Sometimes fear feels like a siren, luring me, calling me to its familiar pattern. I’ve come to recognize that real courage isn’t about slaying the dragon it’s about facing the dragon, the fear, and learning to love it. This life is a precious mess, even the fear.
Don’t follow the negativity! We had a little solstice ritual with friends and so many of us stated an intention for the new year around being more positive and less judgmental. Me too!
I never fully realized why I feel so reluctant to get back into a work groove after a break because I love my work and I don't usually feel that reluctance before the break. I was already noticing this feeling yesterday, and you pinpointed it exactly!
Thank you! And hope it’s a great day back to work.
Fear is linked to nervousness. When I feel fear and/or nerves, I tell myself what I sometimes told the runners I coached: It’s OK and normal, maybe even a good thing, because it means you care. Being scared means that what you’re doing—or trying to do—matters and is worth it. So, congratulations!
Love that!!
This was the perfect thing at the perfect time (love when that happens!). I'm moving back into leading in person retreats this year after a 4-year pandemic hiatus, and also starting up a lot of other programs after a year of sabbatical from holding space for others or teaching in any way. Taking the sabbatical was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but necessary after holding so much space during lockdowns and the first 2.5 years of the pandemic, and also because my body decided to stop working and throw major sciatica at me. And I have a book deadline that I am VERY behind on. And so the past couple weeks have been me getting back into it all after this year of sabbatical, planning the new retreats and programs and such. And just yesterday I was telling my sweetheart about the fear that's coming up around it for me. Will anyone care anymore? Will I be too exhausted or hurt? Will I ever finish this revision?
I come from a fearful family and have spent most of my adult life doing the opposite. :-) So it's been very interesting to see how much fear I have around these things I've done so often, and around the ways in which they are going to be new going forward. Thank you for reminding me that none of us are alone, and that all of us go through this. Really appreciated this newsletter!
I wish you a gentle restart and to write with ease. And yes, I bet taking a sabbatical was hard. I took a partial one 15 years ago - delivered on already committed work and teaching but didn't generate anything new - and it was great!
First time commenting.
I love what you wrote. I relate so hard to feelings of fear around going back to work after a break. Like you, I allowed myself to take a big break in December, and I went back to work yesterday a bit fearful. The morning hours were tough, but by mid-morning I felt good, and even happy! I am proud of myself for not using unhealthy coping mechanisms and being brave.
Brach’s prayer is one of my favorites. Another favorite is the prayer to St. Francis of Assisi.
I’m so glad you coped so well. Thanks for saying hi! 🥰
Jen I struggle to relate tithe word ‘fear’. What I experience feels like the foot of a baby elephant on my chest. I am immobilised. I don’t know that I’m afraid, sometimes I just think that I am very lazy! And that’s hard.
You can always use whatever word works! i think baby elephant on chest is very apt. I might get curious - is it laziness or a need for rest or self-protection from failure or? Hugs!
Thanks Jen. Time to get curious, a great suggestion. Hope you are keeping well.
Tell me what you discover!!
Thankyou Jen, it's so liberating when somebody just puts the truth out there. And puts into words and rational thought the underlying fears that nobody talks about, but that haunt us: "You still have to grapple against fear and all fear’s minions — self-doubt, boredom, inertia, procrastination, worry, comparing yourself to others, why bother — to carry on with your life." By surfacing the darker impulses, we regain our strength.
Thanks David!!
This captures exactly how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days, as I return to work after the holidays. Thanks for naming it and letting me know I’m not alone. I appreciate your strategies for addressing the fear, too. Heading to my writing desk now with a 30-minute timer. :) I’ve got this!
You so got this!
Your newsletter, as always, makes me feel less alone, especially since I’ve quietly vowed 2024 is the year to say yes to the things that scare me. To do/try them anyway. I guess another way of putting it is-this is my year to be brave because… what exactly am I waiting for? Permission? Okay, I’ve given that to myself.
You are brave right now!
Hmm! And there was I, thinking it was only me!!! Just kidding, well, sort of. I always think everyone else has it all figured out, and have done since I was a teenager (I'm now 62). I've decided to do Julia Cameron's Artist's Way again (I have all her books, and I love them) - properly this time (whatever that means, or will turn out to mean...but you get the idea). And lots of gentle exercise and meditation, and to just try to be kinder to myself. Yes, I do think that wading through everything with deep breaths and more kindness towards myself will help with fear. Besides, fear is so pointless... xx
Fear is pointless and draining too. May your artist adventures be glorious!
I love this, Jen! Thanks!
One of the ways I defy my own fear --and the perfectionism that often underlies it -- is focusing on the people (readers, students, listeners, etc.) I'm hoping to help.
It's easier for me to get over myself and make an effort to do something I'm not quite ready to do (or create something I'm not quite ready to create) when I recall that said thing is very much needed by others.
Sometimes this requires me to go back and look at evidence of previous efforts that I felt iffy about but that landed really powerfully with my audience -- or made me super happy in the end.
Anyway, thank you for feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Or at least probing this year for more information.
glorious and also so you - so much about service!!!
Thank you Jen, you naming it, made me looking at my own long list of fears for january... and looking is the first step. What helps me (after I realized it ;-) is something from yoga philosophy: the root of fear is not-knowing or lack of trust. And fear is the energy provided by the universe (no less) to gain knowledge or trust. From this point of view fear is empowering...
thats beautiful! and lack of selftrust - so often the root of so much. May we be trusting of ourselves and the goodness in all.
Oh, yes, selftrust, you are so right! We are cared for by our own wonderful bodys who produce the biochemistry we call fear. So self empowering it is. Beautiful!
What I appreciate so much about this newsletter, Jen, is that you name so many of the fears I (and I know many) have...the ones specific to what happens if I don't write this, do this, comment on this, post this...etc. I have been very intentionally slowing down since the holidays and into that first week of January which, hard to believe, has past. I have been posting less and with that comes the fears...how will people know what I have to offer? how will I survive? how will I support myself if I don't DO this and that and WORK HARD. The shift that is necessary is real and I agree, it's acknowledging versus ignoring or pretending the fears don't exist, that gives our internal world the breath and space it needs to make those shifts. Fears, yup. And with them, the gift of the power to choose to Trust, to Allow and to connect with other like heart & minded people on a similar authentic path. Thank you for your newsletter and the realness of it all. :)
thank you for this lovely wise comment Jenn. I so felt this fear today. Woke up with anxiety and was like agh nobody likes me! agh what will i write my substack about this week? agh my novel is getting too complicated. Thank you for connecting with me.
Oh oh oh all the 'agh's'....I hear you. Oh do I hear you. <3
off to write best antidote!
TRUTH!
Well, I defied it, gave notice that I'm leaving my job in July, and we'll see how it goes! I got nothing but time, right? You guys really need to subscribe to @terimurrison before I lose my nerve and ask for the dang job back!
Seriously though, my actions didn't erase my fear. It just motivated me to make a go of things. Moved me from "wouldn't it be nice" to now I'd darn well better. It was all that talk of a not too late list and a ticking clock!
I’m so excited for you. I announced today this is my last full time year of coaching and leading three retreats. 2025 part time and only two retreats. With you in change!!
I'd say we're kindred spirits! Jennifer. I got your back (until the rent's due, of course, and you have mine). Lotsa love, girlfriend!!! Eeek! We're doing it!
🤩🥳🥰