As I get older (and older) I find that it's important for me to remember that some people (Jimmy Carter for one) live to be 100. If I begin to think it's too late now, I may not accomplish anything I have wanted to for another 27 years! Right now I'm teaching myself (through online classes) how to oil paint. My usual self tells me it's too late to become good. My self-trust reminds me that the more I paint, the better I'll get.
And, dear Linda, it is never too late to feel good because you are doing what you love. Maybe feeling good because you are doing it, is more important than painting better.
There are all sorts of risks in life. Some people, like my husband, seek out challenging physical risks. I tend to seek out more intellectual risks. We're all forced into social or emotional risks if we're really alive. At 72, I just signed a book contract that will require me to completely rewrite a book to suit an academic publisher's requirements. It will mean a steep learning curve...the kind of challenge I seldom back away from. It's not too late to take this kind of risk, for me or for anyone.
I just wanted to pop in and say that I love these "not too late" emails. The one thing I keep saying to myself is "I'm not done yet". It keeps me going! And your newsletters are a great reminder.
I love this! Synchronistic Divine Timing! Thank you! I am doing new things in my late 50’s and hope to live to 100 or more. Feel what comes up in each moment. Examine my stories. Trust my gut. Love. Compassion. Thank you! ♥️♥️♥️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I love this! Paying attention to inner self-talk is so powerful. Would I talk to a friend the way I talk to myself sometimes? Hell, no. And yet it's insidious, making me more likely to doubt myself and my capabilities. I have to remember to challenge myself (it's how I grow) and accept that I make mistakes *and* that I can learn from them. Why is it a lesson I have to learn over and over?
I also like these “it’s not too late” posts. I’ve been struggling with this self-trust for a few years - as a I get older. I keep asking myself- can I do this? I keep telling myself - yes I can. I am amazing role models to look to for inspiration. I want to continue to grow too as a person.
I'm 47 and I'm trusting myself to find my route to being able to build a creative life. Because it's not too late. I've always wanted a life of travel, art, and writing. However it got sidetracked by bad relationships, bad job choices, and impending poor health. At 40 I physically untangled myself from what had me sidetracked and now I get to travel the world. I started a writing business. But the emotional and mental debris of poor self esteem takes a bit longer to brush away. And I feel like that work is essential to getting to the life I want. So I trust that the money I want is coming. I trust that my mental and emotional health is improving. I trust that I am meeting opportunities to be more creative everyday. There's still time.
Halona, it is not too late! I love your vision for yourself and your life, thank you for sharing that, it’s beautiful. I understand too the legacy of poor self-esteem, it’s something we need to talk about more, don’t you think? When I look back at the opportunities I missed or flubbed, it was so often because I didn’t believe in myself to try harder, to learn more, to ask for more. May that shift for you and me!!
Yes indeed. There is STILL time, and as you know. It is found in STILLNESS, as time is cyclical and not linear, as we are programmed to think in this matrix within a matrix — within another? 🤔 💭 What if time (as we know it is) a mere illusion? What if there is no end of time — that is available to us?!
I suspect some wise madters discovered this a ling time ago. But these truths are not shared to those of us who don’t really want to know. The Mayan civilization comes to mind.
I was shaken to my core when I was jolted out of a prosperous profession due to an unforeseeable health challenge. The silver lining was it brought me back to school in my 40's, but the universe wasn't done throwing obstacles in my path. Caring for elderly parents sidelined my progess, but I'm getting restless again, knowing I need to finish what I started - even though I'm now officially in my mid-50s. My plight is it's all or nothing for me. I'll either go to the best schools or I just won't go at all. They accepted me 7 years ago, but will they again? I certainly add diversity - what many educational institutions seek. Ok. Say, they do accept me... Can I still perform knowing my brain has since dropped the cells I used to implement for recall. I know... Repetition, repetition. Well, history shows I've typically accomplished what I've set out to. Then, there's the financial burden. Ugh. At some point you have to enact a popular slogan and tell yourself to "just do it!"
An excellent essay! Self-trust. So elusive. I am working through medical issues and I try to trust myself to heal, to make healing choices. And in writing I want to move beyond the short story to find other sources that would produce income. Late, yes, but I need to move forward. Thanks, Jennifer!
This, is how to leave a comment! I’m learning. This post and this theme, Jennifer, and the timing, really hit home. Self-trust is everything you say here and indeed, I believe, the missing ingredient that predisposes us not to leap. But we can leap and we can find our inner trust if we push through the bullshit and “listen!” Trust is strengthened through understanding and we so often spend the bulk of our energy trying to understand others and ignoring ourselves and all the little parts that need to be heard. Today, I am making a commitment to leaning in and listening to those voices and little parts with the same zest and enthusiasm as I apply to everything else! Thank you Jen! 💜
I’m so glad you figured out how to comment! And I love your observation that we need self trust to leap! Also yes how often do we become super skilled at reading others at the expense of knowing ourselves. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this essay--I love your writing, and bringing up the conversation around "It's Not Too Late" is both beautiful and critical right now. For me, self-trust has been a big theme, with much exploration and expansion.
Also, I'm super excited for your interview with Tara Mohr! I've done several of her courses, and she is one of my very favorite mentors and teachers. She is such an amazing human.
Thank you Jen for this beautiful theme. My daughter recently auditioned for a local musical and did not get cast; she was devastated not to get a part, and I was devastated to observe a sense of "not good enough" creeping into her reaction. It got me thinking that self trust is knowing that we will still love ourselves, and stay on our own side, even when we don't get the thing we desire. I told her, "It's hard to not get something you want, but it doesn't change your worth or lovability one iota." Now if only I can remember that the next time I receive a rejection for my manuscript...
It’s so hard to see our kids learning this lesson but absolutely essential. The gift of failure! I love what you said to her. And yes! Now to remember it ourselves, rejection OR success 🤩
Love this, Jennifer! I think self-trust is at the root of fulfillment. And, to me, self-trust means not having to endure suffering or being "outside of my comfort zone" in order to grow/expand. I don't have to be forced into it, I trust myself to grow even when life is soft and cozy.
Dear Jen, great theme, "perfect" timing ;) Self-Trust for me is listening to my guts and heart, my instincts and my intuitions first, and only afterwards start to think. I have known for decades that they are the best leaders I will ever meet, but this cogito ergo sum culture always gets inbetween. It is so loud.
You know, I write my poetry listening, not thinking. When I write with my head, it always becomes scientific. Yesterday I read some of my poems written in January... I cannot not for sure, but I think if had listened to them, the leg issue might not have happened.... so, self-trust implies besides listening acting upon what I heard. That's what's the brain for.
Btw leg gets better, slowly, and still learning from the Nap Bischop....
You mentioned that self-trust grows when we decline to punish ourselves for making mistakes. But how do we differentiate between healthy self-reflection and self-punishment? Where do we draw the line between learning from our mistakes and dwelling on them?
Self-punishment is very different in tone and feeling than facing a mistake and making amends, or reflecting.
Do you know the concept of the first and second arrow in Buddhism? The first arrow is something happens that hurts — in this case, you make a mistake. Shoot! Ouch! You see the mistake and you do what you can to make amends or reflect on what you can do differently going forward. The second arrow is the one you stick yourself with again and again by obsessing over what an idiot you are and beating yourself up and how could I do that!!
There is a Zen story of two priests who are walking between monasteries and they come to a creek that’s very high with spring melt off. There is a woman on the bank who can’t get across. The older monk picks her up, carries her across, puts her down, and goes on his way. The younger monk is completely freaked out. "‘He touched a woman, that is forbidden!’ He thinks about it the whole rest of the day and that night at dinner he brings up his outrage. The older monk sips his tea and says, “I put her down at the creek. You’re still carrying her.”
I love this Jen. I have been practicing leaving the "woman" (my baggage) at the edge of the creek for a while now. And as a life long personal scapegoat it is hard to change the old habit. Nuggets like this make it easy to see. 😊
Thank you for these powerful words! It was exactly what I needed to hear today. It’s never too late, unless I waste the precious moments of right here, right now. Thank you!
As I get older (and older) I find that it's important for me to remember that some people (Jimmy Carter for one) live to be 100. If I begin to think it's too late now, I may not accomplish anything I have wanted to for another 27 years! Right now I'm teaching myself (through online classes) how to oil paint. My usual self tells me it's too late to become good. My self-trust reminds me that the more I paint, the better I'll get.
that's is the growth mindset right there! I always learn from your comments Linda, thank you.
I learn from you too, Jennifer.
And, dear Linda, it is never too late to feel good because you are doing what you love. Maybe feeling good because you are doing it, is more important than painting better.
I'm sure you're right!
There are all sorts of risks in life. Some people, like my husband, seek out challenging physical risks. I tend to seek out more intellectual risks. We're all forced into social or emotional risks if we're really alive. At 72, I just signed a book contract that will require me to completely rewrite a book to suit an academic publisher's requirements. It will mean a steep learning curve...the kind of challenge I seldom back away from. It's not too late to take this kind of risk, for me or for anyone.
that’s beautiful. and so true. thank you!
I just wanted to pop in and say that I love these "not too late" emails. The one thing I keep saying to myself is "I'm not done yet". It keeps me going! And your newsletters are a great reminder.
thank you!! i love I’m done yet. Me neither!
I meant NOT done 🤪
I love this! Synchronistic Divine Timing! Thank you! I am doing new things in my late 50’s and hope to live to 100 or more. Feel what comes up in each moment. Examine my stories. Trust my gut. Love. Compassion. Thank you! ♥️♥️♥️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Happy new things!!!
I love this! Paying attention to inner self-talk is so powerful. Would I talk to a friend the way I talk to myself sometimes? Hell, no. And yet it's insidious, making me more likely to doubt myself and my capabilities. I have to remember to challenge myself (it's how I grow) and accept that I make mistakes *and* that I can learn from them. Why is it a lesson I have to learn over and over?
Probably because of how our brains work - negativity bias and all that. 😘
I also like these “it’s not too late” posts. I’ve been struggling with this self-trust for a few years - as a I get older. I keep asking myself- can I do this? I keep telling myself - yes I can. I am amazing role models to look to for inspiration. I want to continue to grow too as a person.
Thanks Jenn. I wonder if as we age self trust gets burnished because we do make mistakes and have to reestablish our relationship with ourselves. ??
Yes, I have learned quite a bit from my mistakes. I am emotionally healthy and do not dwell on them but try to learn from them - and move on.
I'm 47 and I'm trusting myself to find my route to being able to build a creative life. Because it's not too late. I've always wanted a life of travel, art, and writing. However it got sidetracked by bad relationships, bad job choices, and impending poor health. At 40 I physically untangled myself from what had me sidetracked and now I get to travel the world. I started a writing business. But the emotional and mental debris of poor self esteem takes a bit longer to brush away. And I feel like that work is essential to getting to the life I want. So I trust that the money I want is coming. I trust that my mental and emotional health is improving. I trust that I am meeting opportunities to be more creative everyday. There's still time.
Halona, it is not too late! I love your vision for yourself and your life, thank you for sharing that, it’s beautiful. I understand too the legacy of poor self-esteem, it’s something we need to talk about more, don’t you think? When I look back at the opportunities I missed or flubbed, it was so often because I didn’t believe in myself to try harder, to learn more, to ask for more. May that shift for you and me!!
Yes indeed. There is STILL time, and as you know. It is found in STILLNESS, as time is cyclical and not linear, as we are programmed to think in this matrix within a matrix — within another? 🤔 💭 What if time (as we know it is) a mere illusion? What if there is no end of time — that is available to us?!
I suspect some wise madters discovered this a ling time ago. But these truths are not shared to those of us who don’t really want to know. The Mayan civilization comes to mind.
I was shaken to my core when I was jolted out of a prosperous profession due to an unforeseeable health challenge. The silver lining was it brought me back to school in my 40's, but the universe wasn't done throwing obstacles in my path. Caring for elderly parents sidelined my progess, but I'm getting restless again, knowing I need to finish what I started - even though I'm now officially in my mid-50s. My plight is it's all or nothing for me. I'll either go to the best schools or I just won't go at all. They accepted me 7 years ago, but will they again? I certainly add diversity - what many educational institutions seek. Ok. Say, they do accept me... Can I still perform knowing my brain has since dropped the cells I used to implement for recall. I know... Repetition, repetition. Well, history shows I've typically accomplished what I've set out to. Then, there's the financial burden. Ugh. At some point you have to enact a popular slogan and tell yourself to "just do it!"
Jennifer I’m sorry you’ve had those obstacles to deal with— and I hope the desire for what you want to do can carry you forward now! ☄️
An excellent essay! Self-trust. So elusive. I am working through medical issues and I try to trust myself to heal, to make healing choices. And in writing I want to move beyond the short story to find other sources that would produce income. Late, yes, but I need to move forward. Thanks, Jennifer!
thanks for reading Bob and wishing you healing! Self-trust around medical issues can be so hard.
Amen!
This, is how to leave a comment! I’m learning. This post and this theme, Jennifer, and the timing, really hit home. Self-trust is everything you say here and indeed, I believe, the missing ingredient that predisposes us not to leap. But we can leap and we can find our inner trust if we push through the bullshit and “listen!” Trust is strengthened through understanding and we so often spend the bulk of our energy trying to understand others and ignoring ourselves and all the little parts that need to be heard. Today, I am making a commitment to leaning in and listening to those voices and little parts with the same zest and enthusiasm as I apply to everything else! Thank you Jen! 💜
I’m so glad you figured out how to comment! And I love your observation that we need self trust to leap! Also yes how often do we become super skilled at reading others at the expense of knowing ourselves. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this essay--I love your writing, and bringing up the conversation around "It's Not Too Late" is both beautiful and critical right now. For me, self-trust has been a big theme, with much exploration and expansion.
Also, I'm super excited for your interview with Tara Mohr! I've done several of her courses, and she is one of my very favorite mentors and teachers. She is such an amazing human.
Thanks Sheryl. I’m so glad self-trust is on your mind in a helpful way. Me too. I think I had a tiny breakthrough on my novel because of it!!
Thank you Jen for this beautiful theme. My daughter recently auditioned for a local musical and did not get cast; she was devastated not to get a part, and I was devastated to observe a sense of "not good enough" creeping into her reaction. It got me thinking that self trust is knowing that we will still love ourselves, and stay on our own side, even when we don't get the thing we desire. I told her, "It's hard to not get something you want, but it doesn't change your worth or lovability one iota." Now if only I can remember that the next time I receive a rejection for my manuscript...
It’s so hard to see our kids learning this lesson but absolutely essential. The gift of failure! I love what you said to her. And yes! Now to remember it ourselves, rejection OR success 🤩
Love this, Jennifer! I think self-trust is at the root of fulfillment. And, to me, self-trust means not having to endure suffering or being "outside of my comfort zone" in order to grow/expand. I don't have to be forced into it, I trust myself to grow even when life is soft and cozy.
oh that’s deliciously insightful - “the root of fulfillment” I’m going to be feeling into that today. Thank you!
Dear Jen, great theme, "perfect" timing ;) Self-Trust for me is listening to my guts and heart, my instincts and my intuitions first, and only afterwards start to think. I have known for decades that they are the best leaders I will ever meet, but this cogito ergo sum culture always gets inbetween. It is so loud.
You know, I write my poetry listening, not thinking. When I write with my head, it always becomes scientific. Yesterday I read some of my poems written in January... I cannot not for sure, but I think if had listened to them, the leg issue might not have happened.... so, self-trust implies besides listening acting upon what I heard. That's what's the brain for.
Btw leg gets better, slowly, and still learning from the Nap Bischop....
I’m so glad you’re leg is healing and you are listening 👂. That sounds whole-making. You are brave.
You are brave, too, Jen!
You mentioned that self-trust grows when we decline to punish ourselves for making mistakes. But how do we differentiate between healthy self-reflection and self-punishment? Where do we draw the line between learning from our mistakes and dwelling on them?
Self-punishment is very different in tone and feeling than facing a mistake and making amends, or reflecting.
Do you know the concept of the first and second arrow in Buddhism? The first arrow is something happens that hurts — in this case, you make a mistake. Shoot! Ouch! You see the mistake and you do what you can to make amends or reflect on what you can do differently going forward. The second arrow is the one you stick yourself with again and again by obsessing over what an idiot you are and beating yourself up and how could I do that!!
There is a Zen story of two priests who are walking between monasteries and they come to a creek that’s very high with spring melt off. There is a woman on the bank who can’t get across. The older monk picks her up, carries her across, puts her down, and goes on his way. The younger monk is completely freaked out. "‘He touched a woman, that is forbidden!’ He thinks about it the whole rest of the day and that night at dinner he brings up his outrage. The older monk sips his tea and says, “I put her down at the creek. You’re still carrying her.”
I hope that helps!
I love this Jen. I have been practicing leaving the "woman" (my baggage) at the edge of the creek for a while now. And as a life long personal scapegoat it is hard to change the old habit. Nuggets like this make it easy to see. 😊
Me too. No more caring all my baggage up the mountain!
Thank you for these powerful words! It was exactly what I needed to hear today. It’s never too late, unless I waste the precious moments of right here, right now. Thank you!
Thanks for reading! Yes right here right now. Thank you for so beautifully summing this truth Up! 🌟