I have that thought probably once a day — but that’s not who you are Jen. Also yes of course we’ve made a ton of mistakes and that’s not a reason to never trust ourselves again. Thank you!
I love this line: “You become the writer who can write the book by writing it.” Not by thinking about writing the book.” It’s true about anything! You become the cook who can prepare a tasty meal for people you love by cooking! We become good, insightful readers by careful reading. We become beloved friends by friending (doing all the things: listening, laughing, crying, sharing).
Your statement is so wise and true. I fear the splats, the dumb writing, the ruined lamb chops, the failure to understand the novel, or connect with the friend, and so I sometimes hold back.
In a kind of meta moment, doing-the- thing — writing, dancing, cooking, whatever it is, is also what we have to insist for our characters, they must risk themselves so they can come alive on the page! Huh… who knew we had to insist upon risk/trust from ourselves so we spring to life in our lives!
Great insight that our characters have to risk too. I can feel that when I write something and tear up. Also great line -- spring to life in our lives!
"Self-trust goes poof when I think I need to be someone other than I am " Wise words. How many days of my youth did I waste trying to be everything for other people?
I love that..."we don't so much change, as molt." Those words alone made me think about the times I've looked back at my former self at various stages and thought, "I can't believe you thought/did/allowed that!!!" It made me not trust myself, even though I'm different now. But I have shed views/opinions/ways of moving in the world because I've grown, and I can trust myself in that process. I also remember talking to a therapist friend and telling her how I want to be a version of myself who meditates each morning, flows through life unaffected by anxiety, pays attention to every moment, simplifies like Henry David Thoreau. She said, "But that's not who you are." "Oh!," I thought.
Like Natalie, I love the line "You become the writer who can write the book by writing it." It sums up the self-trust dilemma so precisely. You are the very best at condensing these muddled thoughts into a theme and leading the way through the maze. Trust ourselves enough without the proof and the proof will out! I'm practicing that, largely due to your voice and it truly feels good. Please continue this thought provoking series. It's helping us all dig in the hard dirt!
We need an "American Gothic" photo with matching shovels, patent leather handles! (You will, of course have the best shoes, so it must be full length! ) xoxoxo
I remember as a young teen we did trust circles. Maybe there was another name, but the idea was one person was in the middle and everyone else was in a circle around them. The person in the middle had to Lean back and trust the group would catch them. It was a leap of trust to fall back.
I don’t have a circle of people around me at the moment, but I am taking multiple leaps of trust with myself. Not blind leaps. I am leaping knowing very well that I could fall. I must trust my life experience to know what is a reasonable leap to try, or even a mildly unreasonable one, as opposed to a truly unsafe one.
Yes, so important to reflect on which parts of me are driving the bus and my decisions to trust or not trust myself and others.
For me those in between leaps that are uncomfortable, but not unsafe are perhaps the hardest.
I also know that if there things I don’t know, I can find them out. I also know that I am able to keep myself safe and recover if I should fall. These are thoughts I have to remind myself of over and over again.
Thanks for the warmer weather wish. It is actually incredibly foggy and damp today. Even so, I’m having a fabulous writing day Over coffee and pastries and now wine and pasta inside, cozy warm.
Yesss! I'm constantly caving in to the idea that when other people are right, for them, somehow it makes my different way of thinking wrong. But it's not wrong, it's as right for me as theirs is right for them. It's that space you describe here where we know in our hearts what dangers we face and whether or not we should face them has to come from our self-trust! Bravo! And knowing and believing we can recover, when we fall, is the key to convincing ourselves to make these leaps!
After I read this, I downloaded Why Bother and started listening to it on my way to and from work. Last spring my husband and I moved from Bremerton, WA to Madison, WI. I have deep regrets about the move even though things are starting to settle in for me in my new town. Listening to your story about riding the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge tugged at my heart and it wasn't because of the passenger overboard. It was your scenic description of the mountains and city view. I know I need to bother about moving back. I'm not up for it yet but I see this as something worthy of my attention to make happen for myself in the next few years. I'm loving your book, Why Bother!
Thanks for listening to my book!! I so appreciate it! And that tug to a place can be so powerful- I’m happy for you, you’ve listened. That alone changes everything. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yes. Sometimes we can just "be." That's what I'm learning. I never thought or categorize it as Self Trust. I like that. But I have that voice inside too. The self doubt etc.
love the artwork. but, truly, your opinion is the only one that matters. I have watched my teen daughter embody this is her artwork and it is both humbling and inspiring.
Lovely picture! And so true, especially the slowness self-trust needs. Otherwise I am in my head, and my head is being infiltrated by functional, machine-like approaches to "life", or more precisely existing.
And I, too, experienced this theme-lead approach as a much more relaxed and easy (instead of reading so many books, journal through so and so many questions). Ideas and inspirations just floated to me instead of me working towards them.
It hurts a bit, or a bit more than a bit, that I neglected myself that much... But self-trust seems to be quite forgiving, when properly cared for. May you all have more of this blanked feeling!
I have that thought probably once a day — but that’s not who you are Jen. Also yes of course we’ve made a ton of mistakes and that’s not a reason to never trust ourselves again. Thank you!
I love this line: “You become the writer who can write the book by writing it.” Not by thinking about writing the book.” It’s true about anything! You become the cook who can prepare a tasty meal for people you love by cooking! We become good, insightful readers by careful reading. We become beloved friends by friending (doing all the things: listening, laughing, crying, sharing).
Your statement is so wise and true. I fear the splats, the dumb writing, the ruined lamb chops, the failure to understand the novel, or connect with the friend, and so I sometimes hold back.
In a kind of meta moment, doing-the- thing — writing, dancing, cooking, whatever it is, is also what we have to insist for our characters, they must risk themselves so they can come alive on the page! Huh… who knew we had to insist upon risk/trust from ourselves so we spring to life in our lives!
Thanks, Jen!!
Great insight that our characters have to risk too. I can feel that when I write something and tear up. Also great line -- spring to life in our lives!
"Self-trust goes poof when I think I need to be someone other than I am " Wise words. How many days of my youth did I waste trying to be everything for other people?
And sometimes, for me, even now.
It's a woman's curse right? We are always trying to be a "good girl," but then doubt we can ever be good enough.
"Hoping things get better is not a plan."
This is such a powerful statement! It's a reminder that self-trust requires action, not just wishful thinking.
Sadly… kidding! But so easy to overlook.
Are we doing anything to develop the experience to trust ourselves from??
I love that..."we don't so much change, as molt." Those words alone made me think about the times I've looked back at my former self at various stages and thought, "I can't believe you thought/did/allowed that!!!" It made me not trust myself, even though I'm different now. But I have shed views/opinions/ways of moving in the world because I've grown, and I can trust myself in that process. I also remember talking to a therapist friend and telling her how I want to be a version of myself who meditates each morning, flows through life unaffected by anxiety, pays attention to every moment, simplifies like Henry David Thoreau. She said, "But that's not who you are." "Oh!," I thought.
But that is not Who you are! Oh! you thought.
What a great line.
Accepting that we are, who we are, what a great challenge to explore.
Like Natalie, I love the line "You become the writer who can write the book by writing it." It sums up the self-trust dilemma so precisely. You are the very best at condensing these muddled thoughts into a theme and leading the way through the maze. Trust ourselves enough without the proof and the proof will out! I'm practicing that, largely due to your voice and it truly feels good. Please continue this thought provoking series. It's helping us all dig in the hard dirt!
thank you for helping me dig!!!
We need an "American Gothic" photo with matching shovels, patent leather handles! (You will, of course have the best shoes, so it must be full length! ) xoxoxo
I remember as a young teen we did trust circles. Maybe there was another name, but the idea was one person was in the middle and everyone else was in a circle around them. The person in the middle had to Lean back and trust the group would catch them. It was a leap of trust to fall back.
I don’t have a circle of people around me at the moment, but I am taking multiple leaps of trust with myself. Not blind leaps. I am leaping knowing very well that I could fall. I must trust my life experience to know what is a reasonable leap to try, or even a mildly unreasonable one, as opposed to a truly unsafe one.
Yes, so important to reflect on which parts of me are driving the bus and my decisions to trust or not trust myself and others.
For me those in between leaps that are uncomfortable, but not unsafe are perhaps the hardest.
I also know that if there things I don’t know, I can find them out. I also know that I am able to keep myself safe and recover if I should fall. These are thoughts I have to remind myself of over and over again.
Yes! Just that - we can recover! - is huge. Thank you for that reminder and hope the weather is warmer!!
Thanks for the warmer weather wish. It is actually incredibly foggy and damp today. Even so, I’m having a fabulous writing day Over coffee and pastries and now wine and pasta inside, cozy warm.
Yesss! I'm constantly caving in to the idea that when other people are right, for them, somehow it makes my different way of thinking wrong. But it's not wrong, it's as right for me as theirs is right for them. It's that space you describe here where we know in our hearts what dangers we face and whether or not we should face them has to come from our self-trust! Bravo! And knowing and believing we can recover, when we fall, is the key to convincing ourselves to make these leaps!
After I read this, I downloaded Why Bother and started listening to it on my way to and from work. Last spring my husband and I moved from Bremerton, WA to Madison, WI. I have deep regrets about the move even though things are starting to settle in for me in my new town. Listening to your story about riding the ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge tugged at my heart and it wasn't because of the passenger overboard. It was your scenic description of the mountains and city view. I know I need to bother about moving back. I'm not up for it yet but I see this as something worthy of my attention to make happen for myself in the next few years. I'm loving your book, Why Bother!
Thanks for listening to my book!! I so appreciate it! And that tug to a place can be so powerful- I’m happy for you, you’ve listened. That alone changes everything. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
After losing so much of what I thought would be there almost forever, in my life, I completely withdrew.
It helped.
I emerged just recently.
I find I walk through the world differently now.
Ecdysis, is most similar action I can think of that applies.
It’s not just new skin.
It’s the shedding of parasites.
Thank you for the company of your words.
Here’s to a new beginning! Thank you for reading. ❤️
Yes. Sometimes we can just "be." That's what I'm learning. I never thought or categorize it as Self Trust. I like that. But I have that voice inside too. The self doubt etc.
That voice!! it’s very VERY tiring.
It's like we carry around our parents and their voices. A heavy load. We need to drop them off at the mall and we take a nap!
They could get their steps in.
Love you Jen 🤣🤣🤣
And self respect.
Be well.
love the artwork. but, truly, your opinion is the only one that matters. I have watched my teen daughter embody this is her artwork and it is both humbling and inspiring.
❤️❤️❤️
Lovely picture! And so true, especially the slowness self-trust needs. Otherwise I am in my head, and my head is being infiltrated by functional, machine-like approaches to "life", or more precisely existing.
And I, too, experienced this theme-lead approach as a much more relaxed and easy (instead of reading so many books, journal through so and so many questions). Ideas and inspirations just floated to me instead of me working towards them.
It hurts a bit, or a bit more than a bit, that I neglected myself that much... But self-trust seems to be quite forgiving, when properly cared for. May you all have more of this blanked feeling!