I went to a diploma course to train for my career (although the same amount of schooling gets a degree now) and it served me well. But no degree.
I had many barriers to getting a degree in that long ago time. It's loaded with some really difficult stuff. Very, very difficult stuff.
Everyone else (literally everyone) in my family has a degree. Some of them have them from Cornell and Harvard and Northwestern and Yale. Etc.
I keep trying and not being able to do it.
And I can't time-travel and make that different. And it wasn't in my control at all at the time. And probably wouldn't be even if I time-traveled back. (And seriously. Is that how I would want to spend my time if I figured out how to time travel? No.)
I finally sat down and realized: I don't want the paper, I want the knowledge and the skills. In 2024 there are a million ways to get those.
I'm an autodidact and have been forever.
And now in my 60s, I get to disappoint (!) my family. In fact, it's almost my job! ;)
So thank you for this. It creates room for the art dreams I have. The piece of paper dream can be let go of.
Oh BOY is this a great piece. I mean just all the AMENS all around. (On the cute Theory pants too!!!) And YES, that moment with you WAS in fact one of the worst moments of my career. I think about it all. the. time. Not only how hard it was for me (I mean, it's not always all about me) but also how brave YOU were in being open to hearing it. In letting yourself let it go. In letting yourself make space for the next thing. You were the MODEL of the thing that you are teaching others. And all those stories and all the work will go on to be used in other ways and other things -- Why Bother? and also your killer novel coming and other things cooking and yet to come. Thank you for showing us all the way.
"Here’s one thing I know for sure: when we create space, something new will rush in to fill it. Something fresh and meaningful for you now."
Really appreciate that insight, something I've discovered in my own life as well. For many years I witnessed my mom and dad and their extreme hoarding habits, and how debilitating it was. I always had a hunch that it was about more than the 'stuff' for both of them. But even though I don't have that pathological level of hanging on to things, I can see how that pattern has played out for me psychologically. And I love how every time I've finally made the leap to release old things, old beliefs, old patterns, I am amazed at the beautiful surprises that the Universe offers me. But the letting go is the pre-requisite.
I am in this process right now. As I work to become a new version of myself, I am getting rid of things that do not align. Things that reflect who I was and not who I am becoming. I was a person who collected figurines. They no longer inspire me so I am passing them on. I was a person who collected boxes, jars and containers- just in case. I feel that I will not need this things to move forward with me.
Thank you for reminding us that sometimes things have worn out their welcome.
Thank you for this. I really appreciated the thoughts about not only cleaning out physical objects but those dreams too b/c I find myself at exactly that juncture. I'm curious -- how do you know, or how can you discern, if "it no longer fits who you are today." Esp if you find yourself chasing an old dream. How do I know if it's true for today or if I'm pursuing it merely b/c it's a dangling dream that I had achieved and dropped b/c others wanted me to drop it, or b/c other values became more important at that time which encouraged me to drop it then (but that's no longer an issue today). How do I know if it fits who I am today?
I don't think we can know anything for certain but if you stopped chasing it, truly declare it done for say three months, how do you feel? Lighter? Sadder? Perhaps the dangling dream need to be tweaked? I love the question "what is fresh for me now?" when regarding say an old manuscript or class I used to teach. Maybe an update or reframe will hep you find the fit and the juice to go forward. You could do a value check if that helps you and ask "what values do I want to express now and how? Is this project a good fit? It takes some time and reflection. All that matters is it feels right and true to you.
Yes, a reframe might be called for! And then a check-in to see if it all feels right and true. Thank you for this response! I will be journaling on all this tomorrow morning and see where it lands. And then sit with it for a bit.
You have such a way of helping us see what we really need to be focusing our limited time on this planet on. Thank you for your beautiful words, the images they conjure, and the power you wield to open doors for all of us!
oh thank you for saying that! I've been having a bit of crisis of confidence lately. I like this platform a lot but I find myself comparing myself to people who get a lot of restacks, etc and feeling like poo which is stupid I know. but your words helped!!
Hi LOVE this so much Jen. As you know, wrestling with this like an alligator is sort of my unhealthy habit. However, I did learn something valuable when going through my mom's stuff after she died. She had immaculate taste. She was always dressed to perfection. Purses and bags and belts and jewelry and clothes to rival the best boutiques. I only say that to note that her trappings were valuable. The thought of just giving them all away felt like a waste. "But this is too good, what if I need x, what if x happens and ..." But, when I made the decision to take a picture of all of the items that were visually important to me and then invite family and friends over to take whatever they wanted, I realized I can still give life to things in different ways. I now try to do that with the things, worries, concerns, and wants that are in my head. What can I take a mental snapshot of and then let go of? How can I recognize an earlier version of me without dragging that into the future? Thank you for saying all these words!
This got my mind whirring for sure. I immediately started thinking about a goal I’ve set for myself a couple of years in a row around researching a certain topic. I keep thinking I want to do it, but haven’t done anything about it. When it came back on my radar last week, I once again thought, “ah, yes. That sounds like a great thing I want to research.” But a little voice in the back of my mind said, “you’re never going to frigging do this or you would have at least Googled something by now. You actually don’t even want to do this.” So thanks for the kick in the ass telling me to just let go of it already!!! Whew 😅
I've really spiraled lately into this very topic. Wondering if its time for me to let go of where I've been while being unsure of what I want to do next. Extremely timely and compassionate in tone. Many thanks.
I have a big one that I'm letting go of: college.
I went to a diploma course to train for my career (although the same amount of schooling gets a degree now) and it served me well. But no degree.
I had many barriers to getting a degree in that long ago time. It's loaded with some really difficult stuff. Very, very difficult stuff.
Everyone else (literally everyone) in my family has a degree. Some of them have them from Cornell and Harvard and Northwestern and Yale. Etc.
I keep trying and not being able to do it.
And I can't time-travel and make that different. And it wasn't in my control at all at the time. And probably wouldn't be even if I time-traveled back. (And seriously. Is that how I would want to spend my time if I figured out how to time travel? No.)
I finally sat down and realized: I don't want the paper, I want the knowledge and the skills. In 2024 there are a million ways to get those.
I'm an autodidact and have been forever.
And now in my 60s, I get to disappoint (!) my family. In fact, it's almost my job! ;)
So thank you for this. It creates room for the art dreams I have. The piece of paper dream can be let go of.
Your encouragement matters!
That’s so darn beautiful Tamsen. I can feel the courage and also the freedom. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I appreciate this so much.
PS: sorry for being so incredibly verbose!
Not at all!!!!
thank you :)
I can't tell you how timely, relevant, and helpful this article is for me. I truly appreciate your sharing this with the universe :)
I'm so glad it was useful!!!
Oh BOY is this a great piece. I mean just all the AMENS all around. (On the cute Theory pants too!!!) And YES, that moment with you WAS in fact one of the worst moments of my career. I think about it all. the. time. Not only how hard it was for me (I mean, it's not always all about me) but also how brave YOU were in being open to hearing it. In letting yourself let it go. In letting yourself make space for the next thing. You were the MODEL of the thing that you are teaching others. And all those stories and all the work will go on to be used in other ways and other things -- Why Bother? and also your killer novel coming and other things cooking and yet to come. Thank you for showing us all the way.
thank you for being the brave coach you were. It's frickin hard!!!!!!
"Here’s one thing I know for sure: when we create space, something new will rush in to fill it. Something fresh and meaningful for you now."
Really appreciate that insight, something I've discovered in my own life as well. For many years I witnessed my mom and dad and their extreme hoarding habits, and how debilitating it was. I always had a hunch that it was about more than the 'stuff' for both of them. But even though I don't have that pathological level of hanging on to things, I can see how that pattern has played out for me psychologically. And I love how every time I've finally made the leap to release old things, old beliefs, old patterns, I am amazed at the beautiful surprises that the Universe offers me. But the letting go is the pre-requisite.
beautifully said!!!
I am in this process right now. As I work to become a new version of myself, I am getting rid of things that do not align. Things that reflect who I was and not who I am becoming. I was a person who collected figurines. They no longer inspire me so I am passing them on. I was a person who collected boxes, jars and containers- just in case. I feel that I will not need this things to move forward with me.
Thank you for reminding us that sometimes things have worn out their welcome.
It’s an inner outer process isn’t? ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this. I really appreciated the thoughts about not only cleaning out physical objects but those dreams too b/c I find myself at exactly that juncture. I'm curious -- how do you know, or how can you discern, if "it no longer fits who you are today." Esp if you find yourself chasing an old dream. How do I know if it's true for today or if I'm pursuing it merely b/c it's a dangling dream that I had achieved and dropped b/c others wanted me to drop it, or b/c other values became more important at that time which encouraged me to drop it then (but that's no longer an issue today). How do I know if it fits who I am today?
I don't think we can know anything for certain but if you stopped chasing it, truly declare it done for say three months, how do you feel? Lighter? Sadder? Perhaps the dangling dream need to be tweaked? I love the question "what is fresh for me now?" when regarding say an old manuscript or class I used to teach. Maybe an update or reframe will hep you find the fit and the juice to go forward. You could do a value check if that helps you and ask "what values do I want to express now and how? Is this project a good fit? It takes some time and reflection. All that matters is it feels right and true to you.
Yes, a reframe might be called for! And then a check-in to see if it all feels right and true. Thank you for this response! I will be journaling on all this tomorrow morning and see where it lands. And then sit with it for a bit.
Perfect!! We can trust ourselves.
You have such a way of helping us see what we really need to be focusing our limited time on this planet on. Thank you for your beautiful words, the images they conjure, and the power you wield to open doors for all of us!
oh thank you for saying that! I've been having a bit of crisis of confidence lately. I like this platform a lot but I find myself comparing myself to people who get a lot of restacks, etc and feeling like poo which is stupid I know. but your words helped!!
Hi LOVE this so much Jen. As you know, wrestling with this like an alligator is sort of my unhealthy habit. However, I did learn something valuable when going through my mom's stuff after she died. She had immaculate taste. She was always dressed to perfection. Purses and bags and belts and jewelry and clothes to rival the best boutiques. I only say that to note that her trappings were valuable. The thought of just giving them all away felt like a waste. "But this is too good, what if I need x, what if x happens and ..." But, when I made the decision to take a picture of all of the items that were visually important to me and then invite family and friends over to take whatever they wanted, I realized I can still give life to things in different ways. I now try to do that with the things, worries, concerns, and wants that are in my head. What can I take a mental snapshot of and then let go of? How can I recognize an earlier version of me without dragging that into the future? Thank you for saying all these words!
That’s brilliant! Take a snapshot and let it go! Amazing. ❤️🫶🏽🙌🏻
This got my mind whirring for sure. I immediately started thinking about a goal I’ve set for myself a couple of years in a row around researching a certain topic. I keep thinking I want to do it, but haven’t done anything about it. When it came back on my radar last week, I once again thought, “ah, yes. That sounds like a great thing I want to research.” But a little voice in the back of my mind said, “you’re never going to frigging do this or you would have at least Googled something by now. You actually don’t even want to do this.” So thanks for the kick in the ass telling me to just let go of it already!!! Whew 😅
one thing off your dream plate!
I've really spiraled lately into this very topic. Wondering if its time for me to let go of where I've been while being unsure of what I want to do next. Extremely timely and compassionate in tone. Many thanks.
Wow! This is really something to ponder. Your posts are always an inspiration.
Ah thanks for taking the time to tell me!
Very excited for the writing class offering today. Thank you!🫶
me too!!
Awesome!thanks so much for this
you are so welcome!